Kimora’s African Nuptials May Not Count

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Not ready for prime time.
Not ready for prime time. Photo: Patrick McMullan

John Kerry’s TARP Taxpayer Protection & Corporate Responsibility Act, which would prevent institutions that received federal bailout money from “hosting, sponsoring, or paying for conferences, holiday parties and entertainment events,” is angering club owners like Marquee’s Noah Tepperberg, who says that such events drive a lot of business. But Eldridge owner Matt Levine says he wouldn’t let Kerry into his club anyway. Like he’d want to go? Meanwhile filmmaker Michael Moore is hunting down bankers, traders, and hedge-fund managers who want to defend themselves against attacks that they caused the economy’s collapse. He says this would just be for a “casual chat.” On-camera, for his next movie. Notorious ladies' man Stavros Niarchos felt like a loser at Rose Bar when the ladies flocked to Russell Simmons instead of him, and Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou got married in Africa this summer, but their marriage might not be legal in the U.S., since she was still married to Simmons at the time.

Denzel Washington and Patricia Arquette caught Elizabeth Ashley in her new role in August: Osage County, while Selita Ebanks got cozy with a Wayans brother at M2. Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel broke up. Again. And Amy Winehouse wants to win back her estranged husband.

While Sharon Stone and Gloria Estefan were deep in conversation at the Viceroy Hotel opening in Miami, everyone was looking a little too good naked at the opening of David Barton’s gym nearby. The police issued it a ticket for operating as a strip club. Speaking of which, turns out Broadway’s beloved musical, Gypsy, has star stripper Gypsy Rose Lee’s secret lesbian lover to thank.

George Steinbrenner’s new bio claims that the Yankee owner partially paid for Tonya Harding’s ancient attack on skater Nancy Kerrigan, but he says he doesn’t remember doing it, and Martha Stewart twittered about the death of her new chow puppy. An hour later, she twittered about Chinese food.

Madonna is ready to sign on a $38 million Upper East Side townhouse, leaving her Upper West Side pad just after A-Rod moved in nearby, and Britney Spears is donating $100,000 of her Circus tour’s proceeds to the Big Apple Circus Clown Care program, which provides sick children with treatment from clowns with medical training. That would definitely scare us.