Obama’s Energy Plans Include Secret Sky-Terrorist Counterattack

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Do these <i>look</i> like your friends?
Do these <i>look</i> like your friends? Photo: iStockphoto.com

And you thought Barack Obama was a dove. The new president says his energy-independence plans (more than $100 billion of his stimulus package) are largely based on the hopes that a broad expansion of the use of wind power will drastically reduce our dependence on foreign oil and dirty coal. But the New York Post discovers today that, really, that's just a distraction. By building massive, terribly powerful wind turbines all over the country, Obama is really taking America's war with birds and other terrorists of the sky to their own, er, turf. Apparently wind-energy programs all over the state — including a massive one proposed for Staten Island's Fresh Kills landfill — are caught up in red tape over the new discovery that they will kill thousands of bats and birds.

Bats apparently love flying directly into the propellers, probably confusing them for airplanes that they could bring down, like US Airways Flight 1549. Avian-allied double agents here on land are even complaining that the turbines will kill too many mosquitos.

The solution to this is obvious. We need to stop the subterfuge, and be unafraid to tell the world that we're taking on the bird and bat buccaneers head on. Everyone knows bats are our enemies! Just ask your Aunt Helen who once got one caught in her hair at summer camp. Anything that developed sonar thousands of years before humans is a force to be reckoned with.

'BAT' MEN IN BLOW TO WIND POWER [NYP]