Citigroup’s $10 Million Office Plans May Threaten Stability of Taxpayer Minds

By
Photo: Getty Images

Oh, Christ. Citigroup has planned $10 million worth of renovations to their executive suites. They say that it's because they are consolidating, and that they will save money in the long run, but Bloomberg's got their hands on some of the details, and we can already smell the acrid smell of Sharpies furiously scribbling slogans on Code Pink signs and Republican congressmen expelling gaseous clouds of rage.

Plans and instructions for the bank's contractors, on file with the city, specify the installation of at least one Sub-Zero Inc. refrigerator and icemaker in the renovated space, along with "premium grade" millwork and Madico Inc. "Safety Shield 800" blast-proof window film. The project encompasses 17 private offices, each with space for administrative assistants, as well as two conference rooms and open areas with "soft seating" according to the plans.


Okay. We'd like, as a shareholder of Citigroup and a possessor of a sizable amount of credit-card debt there, to make a small suggestion to CEO Vikram Pandit, if we may.

Hire yourself a Normalcy Czar. A normal person who will go over your plans with you and tell you what is going to piss off normal people. Said Czar will be able to tell you that, for instance, you don't want a $5,000 Sub Zero refrigerator, you want a $1,000 refrigerator from your fellow beleaguered company, GE. You don't want "premium" millwork, you want "Ikea." You don't want "soft" seating, you want "institutional" seating that each time you sit on it will remind you that the reason your ass hurts is that you fucked up at life. You can use the TARP funds to hire this person, we think. It won't cost that much, since normal people don't actually make very much money. In fact, look, we just did it for free! BTW we're cool with the blast-proof windows. You might need those.

Citigroup May Spend $10 Million for Executive Suite [Bloomberg]