Andrea Peyser Gets Competitive With Gloria Vanderbilt

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"I will begin, softly at first so that you can sleep a few more minutes, the long slow, delicious process of licking..."
Photo: Getty Images

Not content just to gross us out with scatological tales about country singers, the Post today also contains a story with imagery that will keep you up at night in an entirely different manner. Andrea Peyser got her self-described "hot little hands" on an advance copy of the upcoming bodice-ripping novel by Gloria Vanderbilt and gave it her typical hilarious treatment. According to Peyser, Obsession: An Erotic Tale is "pure, elegant, unadulterated smut." Though she wasn't allowed by editors to reproduce much of the sexy text, she hinted that it involved everything from "innovative tips for employing garden vegetables" to "product placement."

Vanderbilt, of course, is the 85-year-old heiress and jeans entrepreneur who has lived with her famous son, Anderson Cooper, on and off over the years — not someone you necessarily want to imagine writing about, or engaging in, complicated sex acts. But Peyser didn't want to give the aging matriarch the pleasure of providing all of the queasiness in this report. "At 143 pages," the columnist writes, "Obsession, you'll be relieved to know, is easily read with one hand." Aw, Andrea! Ew! Come on! It's only Monday!

'GRAPHIC' NOVEL BY GLORIA [NYP]