Daily Intel’s Solution to the Hamptons Homelessness Problem


We’ve found the ongoing ghettoization of the Hamptons pretty amusing: The fact that some of the rich jerks who spent summers barking on their cell phones and screaming at each other over parking places in front of Citarella may have lost everything fills us with not a little pleasure. But of course, it’s not just the rich who are suffering. With everyone hanging on tight to whatever shekels they have left, the illegal laborers they previously underpaid to do their handiwork are struggling, and a small campground of homeless day laborers has sprung up in the woods in Southampton, the Post reports today, “just blocks from Saks Fifth Avenue and Intermix stores.” The police know they’re there, but they’re not doing anything about it. “Our hands are tied,” the police chief told the paper. Really?

It actually seems like this problem dovetails nicely with another problem in the Hamptons right now: the empty-mansion problem. There’s tons of property on the market, and we know for sure some people aren’t going to be around this summer. For instance, Marc Dreier probably isn’t going to make it to his place. Or Bernie Madoff. And the Noels likely won’t be going back to their estate, Dolphins, this year, not after what their neighbors said about them in Vanity Fair. And that place has ten bedrooms, nine and a half baths! It’s the perfect size for a nice little homeless shelter! As we see it, it’s a win-win solution for everyone. The disgraced financiers would be forced to do something nice for once, the laborers would no longer be homeless, and the neighbors will know that this time around, the people living next door are actually capable of performing an honest day’s work.