If Gossip Girl Were Vodka, It Would Go Down Like Water

By
"Don't worry, underneath my pants I'm just smooth, genderless plastic."
Photo: Courtesy of the CW

Okay everybody, let's take a deep breath. You Gossip Girl recap commenters spent the entire week debating three things: Whether Chuck was drinking from a glass of water or vodka at the end of the episode, whether it's "hos before bros" or "chicks before dicks," and whether Nate's grandfather wanted him originally to go to Dartmouth or Yale. We will admit that we were wrong on the last one: It was Nate's father, now much-hated by all in the Vanderbilt (we refuse to spell it their way, as it indicates Nate is not related to Anderson Cooper) family, who pushed Dartmouth, not his mom or his family. (We were similarly incorrect about Susan Sarandon being the one to teach Joey "Smell the Fart" acting on Friends. Apologies.) As to "hos before bros," it's simple reclamatory language and we can say what we want. And as for the water or vodka, it was obviously water, no matter what some of our more pretentious commenters would have you believe. Nobody drinks straight room-temperature vodka, or leaves it out in the living room. (And plus ten for Martell's comment that she couldn't believe it wasn't Vitaminwater!)

More Real Than a Wasp With a Real Chin for Once:
• Plus 4 for the seder being realistic; I can't remember a seder where my family didn't skip parts of the service and get into a fight about something. Also, Lily is too tremendously pregnant to be buying anything but orthopedic shoes. — martell
• Chuck is a drunk, a hairy, Batman whispering drunk. —sarcasticmeow
• +1 for Chuck's *pause* "I've slept with you before" disgust, because he would. GG writers deserve mad props for successfully pulling off this proper homage to Samantha Jones, because without her precedence Chuck Bass's sexual arrogance would just be silly. Tug my hair! —kaitums
• +5 for the fact that they finally cast someone that Blake Lively doesn't tower over, even if he did remind me of Brenden Fraiser a little bit...—RGH
• OH! And +3 for the Chuck sketching out after realizing he slept with the ballerina last year after her performance in SNOW WHITE- and wasn't that Georgina's nickname for Blair? Even the slightest hint of his ruby-lipped love and the boy goes fleeing for the scotch! PS- if it turned out the ballerina said Swan Lake instead of Snow White (my TV's sound sucks) and I just cramped mountains of subtext into a throwaway line... I'm going back to watching Lost. —HookedOnBass
• Little J in re: Rufus - "His specialty is waffles and embarrassing me." +2 — DCRed
• Can I just say? If a supposed friend had promised to get me a refill, and then just disappeared off into the night, that friendship would be ENDED. Leaving me waiting for a drink constitutes a grave offense. But that's exactly the sort of self-absorbed, weirdly passive-aggressive move that Nathaniel "I got into Columbia on my own" Archibald would pull. So, +2 for that little bit of character continuity. — La_Faerie
• +10 for the smoldering sexual tension between Blair and Grandfather, because who hasn't secretly wanted to do their boyfriend's rich, powerful, silver fox of a grandfather who looks like he'd be dynamite in bed? Nope? Just me? Never mind. —kdow3

More Fake Than an Episode About Selling the Gallery That Doesn't Involve Vanessa and a Protest:
• -5 because WHERE THE FUCK WAS AARON?!? I know he theoretically serves no purpose, since he had to disappear for Dan and Serena to get back together AGAIN, but it was a Passover Seder...And he's Cyrus' son....so, like, wtf? — WonketteLover
• Minus 1 because, btw-- wtf is rufus going to do now (besides lily) since he's pulling the plug on the gallery? my money's on a Lincoln Hawk comeback in which he's forced to revist that rose-printed black shirt that has become a crowd pleaser! —gggirl
• Assuming they don't sink Nate's Columbia dreams, if he does end up going there in the fall it's going to look at awful lot like YALE, since Columbia is where they filmed most of the Yale scenes in "New Haven Can Wait" episode. Minus 5 —TwoShakesofaLamb
• Did no one notice the out-of-place sears studio portraits on the staircase wall chez Waldorf?! eleanor was going downstairs with dan and they were behind her looking like one of the toddlers & tiaras moms. —blairs_lab_partner
• -5 for the lack of Nate's mother. Wouldn't she be REQUIRED to go to all of these silly Vanderbilt society sessions? Also, where is Anderson?— CKLA13
• I personally enjoy how Rufus think it's going to be so easy to A) sell the gallery in this market and B) not care about being jobless during our recession. I know the recession doesn't exist on gossip girl, but please. -5 —livelywaldorf
• Also did anyone else think that Serena and Gabriel together look EXACTLY like Barbie and Ken? No points but kind of funny nonetheless. —jezzebelle
• -5 for Serena picking Cyrus as her lawyer. Her mother has been divorced like 800 times, surely there are several other lawyers (that are not her best friend's step-father ) that she could have used if she actually wanted to keep her fake marrige a secret. —MonCheri784