Shana Madoff, Bernie Madoff's niece and his firm's compliance officer, "has been asking around what it's like to do time," a source tells the New York Post, which reports that she's even gone so far as to contact a professional white-collar-criminal consultant, Wall Street Prison Consultants founder Larry Levine, for advice. "A female relative of Bernie Madoff contacted me" about taking his Fedtime 101 crash course, Levine confirms. These people. We can't understand why they would they spend what little money they have left on hoity "consultants" when knowledge is all around them. First of all, ex-con Anthony Papa already directly addressed this issue in the Detroit News, where he penned an editorial letting Bernie know what prison would be like. ("Your identity will be taken away when you are stripped naked and ordered to bend over and spread your butt cheeks.") Plus, hello, everything Shana needs to know can be found in Tupac's seminal prison album Me Against the World, available on iTunes for a mere $12.99. Just remember this, Shana: "No matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep your head up, and handle it."
Jail For Dummies [NYP]