CHRISTAL: Did your Visine trickle into your mouth again?
JPRESS: DICK WOLF IS PULLING A POWER PLAY.
CHRISTAL:Oh, that. I know! He can't get rid of Mariska Hargitay and Chris Meloni! Remember when Mariska was gone for a few episodes when she had that baby? It was unbearable in the interim! I almost switched to Conviction.
CHRISTAL: Though who knew they make $7 million a year?
JPRESS: I know, that was a startling revelation.
JPRESS: Not that they don't totally deserve it
JPRESS: This is not like AIG
JPRESS: We can't resent them for being rich and wanting more
JPRESS: Because they Do the Work
JPRESS: Christopher Meloni pours his soul into that role. It is giving him a permanent brow furrow.
CHRISTAL: The acting or the fake hair they spray on his scalp?
JPRESS: Don't hate, that's you in two years. They're worth the money, and they can't even consider replacing them. Give them whatever they want!
CHRISTAL: I know. There was an episode recently where they dealt with a child soldier from Africa ....
JPRESS: I'm already laughing.
CHRISTAL: And I kept thinking, "This is WAY above that dude's pay grade."
CHRISTAL: He got him to confess
CHRISTAL: By taking him to the interrogation room
CHRISTAL: And snuggling
JPRESS: Apparently Vincent D'Onofrio gets a percentage of the back-end profits, which is what they're asking for.
CHRISTAL: What?? Who even watches Criminal Intent?
CHRISTAL: Nobody, that's who
CHRISTAL: My eyeballs are allergic to the screen when it's on. Like with college basketball, and anything with Kevin James.
JPRESS: It is kind of samey every time
JPRESS: Nonetheless, D'Onofrio deserves whatever he makes
JPRESS: Because he has allowed himself to be consumed by the role
JPRESS: He IS Detective Robert Goren
CHRISTAL: Just because he's twitchy in real life, too, doesn't make it more watchable.
CHRISTAL: The thing about the Law & Order franchise is that it's like the only comfort we have nowadays. I need to know that there will be a one-hour, ludicrously predictable, systematic piece of emotional-blackmail entertainment during which I use zero percent of my mind space but also am unable to talk or listen, on my DVR at least once a week.
CHRISTAL: More, if I record it whenever it's on, but then it eats everything else that's recorded, ever. And I can't do that to the season finale of America's Most Smartest Model.
JPRESS: It is extremely soothing, for a show about especially heinous crimes.
JPRESS: Maybe if Dick Wolf won't give them what they need we should give them some of the TARP money. They're necessary to our survival!
CHRISTAL: Whatever, all I know is that if Meloni gets a raise, he has to do more of those sex scenes with his estranged wife where he wears skimpy underwear no straight cop would ever wear.