Theresa Tambunting, a 50-year-old from Scarsdale, somehow managed to steal approximately 833 pounds of gold, in bar and jewelry form, from the jewelry manufacturer where she worked as a vault manager. What’s most confusing to us about this is not how she managed to get away with this much — it was smuggled a little at a time, over six years — or even why she was stealing it when she and her husband (he is a lawyer at Cantor Fitzgerald) made perfectly decent livings (overidentification with Mr. T is our guess), but what did she do with this much gold? When she returned it after getting busted, she required a suitcase and “a couple of dozen” paint buckets to lug it back into the office. How did she manage to hide all of that from her husband, who apparently had no idea about the theft, and their two children? Where did she put it? We could only come up with a couple of hiding places.
• Right out in the open, because men aren’t very detail-oriented.
• Shoved inside embarrassing things like industrial-sized Tampax boxes and tubs of Metamucil.
• Inside their mattress, and now her husband is like, “Oh, that is why it was always so lumpy feeling.”
• Inside the closet where the family kept cleaning supplies.
• In the garden: She spray-painted the bricks red and constructed a small area wall with them, like she saw on Martha Stewart.