In a demonstration of just how casually the war on avian terrorists is being taken in some circles, the city is moving forward with a plan to install a new garbage-transfer station in the worst possible spot one could imagine right near the end of a runway at LaGuardia airport. While it may seem like a brazen, "Bring 'em on"–style challenge, officials are denying that they are simply goading more birds into an area already dealing with more than enough flying kamikaze geese. The garbage in and around the facility will be inside things, you see, like containers and trucks and buildings. But enough people have witnessed how terrifyingly quick a flock of shrieking, ravenous seagulls can suddenly descend on a single Sour Cream 'N Onion potato chip to be skeptical of such assurances people like the Air Line Pilots Association International, Queens congressmen Gary Ackerman and Joseph Crowley, and the other pilot on the Miracle on the Hudson plane. Unfortunately, the one man who could stop this madness with the sheer heft of his moral authority, the wise and brave and buoyant Captain Chesley Sullenberger, is busy promoting his book. Fire up the Sully Signal!
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