Edward Liddy, who left retirement to serve as CEO of struggling insurance behemoth AIG for a $1 a year salary only to be smacked around by an underling in the pages of the New York Times and twice served a shit sandwich in front of Congress, has announced he will step down from the position as soon as they can replace him. At first when we heard this we were like, of course: Probably, he thinks if he no longer has that job he’ll be spared the anger of Congress and the American people! He can fly-fish in peace. But then we thought, wait: What is he thinking? Now everyone’s going to be mad at him for ducking out early!
Then it occurred to us: What if Liddy is pulling a Janet? You know, the move that Bridget Fonda’s character made in Singles when her boyfriend, played by Matt Dillon, failed to appreciate her devotion to him and the fact that she loved his band, Citizen Dick, even though they quite obviously sucked. What if Liddy is breaking up with America so that America realizes just how lucky we were to have him? If that’s what he’s doing, it’s totally working! We can feel it already. Come back, Liddy, come back! Gesundheit! Or, rather, God bless you! (That one is nicer.)