Run, Bessie, Run!


YES. Move aside, Susan Boyle. The cow that escaped from a slaughterhouse in Jamaica, Queens today is the new feel-good heroine of 2009! Though little is known about the cow, or her motivations (Was she taking a stand against industrial production? Trying to get a little fresh air? Or simply trying to avoid her own gruesome fate?), her bravery in the face of adverse circumstances can only be admired. And so we are extremely happy to report that we just spoke to an officer at Police Precinct 103, who informed us that although the cow has been corralled and captured by an elite team of officers, she is currently being delivered to the ASPCA and not back to the slaughterhouse! “We always think that once they’ve escaped, they’ve earned the right to go free,” a police spokeswoman, who wished to remain nameless, told us. You hear that, cows? You shall overcome! Viva la revolution! This fills us with warmth, and we’re not even vegetarian.