Tell Jesus Gossip Girl Is Back

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[Once again, this week’s comment recap of our episode recap is brought to you by all-star commenter Martell.]

After months of poorly written episodes and lengthy hiatuses, Gossip Girl’s redemption continued this week, with the real return of everyone’s favorite pal, Georgina. This week’s episode didn’t spark any major commenter controversies, though you guys did point out correctly that Rufus wouldn’t be getting dividends for six weeks, and that Georgina said, “The Lord cannot enter the body sullied by alcohol.” (We’re looking into new sound systems for our TVs. Or hearing aids.) [Eds: Seriously, we know this is a problem, and we hate letting you down. Though we would argue that everyone on the show mumbles incessantly!] Of course, you were all in agreement on one thing, and we wholeheartedly second this: Where is Leighton Meester’s Emmy?!

Realer Than Serena Owning the Same Sequined Jacket As Simon Van Kempen

• Plus 5 for the scene when Georgina walks in the room and eveyone freaks out. Blair: “Are you trying to kill me?” And although it was a great line, minus 1 for Dan saying, “Get this crazy girl out of here.” Dan would have felt much more awkward than that, considering that crazy girl gave him a BJ. We know Dan would have at least stuttered! –Writefashionista

• Also. Rufus’s investment was $40K. The dividends Lily was paying him were for $5K/month. That’s going to return him $60K in one year. WTF?!! Cyrus should have popped up out of nowhere and screamed, “Inconceivable!!” This show has become so terrible that I almost love it again just to see how terrible it can really become. –Little J

• Chuck could tell Georgina’s whole attitude by… SMELLING her. I thought he was being an ass when he did it to Blair all that time ago, turns out it’s just one of his many sick, dark, and rather hot gifts. Plus 5 –Cbassluv

• Plus 4 for Nate either:
a) knowing that Chuck won’t say the three words, eight letters to Blair and will thus feel that he is obligated to avoid her at least temporarily;
b) actually wanting a real relationship with Blair and taking the risk that Chuck might, too; or
c) just kind of inexplicably uttering the lines written for him while secretly wishing he was at Disneyland. –Purpleandgreen

• This felt like an episode of Scooby Doo…a trendy group of teens trying to solve a crime and catch the real culprit! Minus 5. But Dan is totally scooby…plus 10. –Judgement_face

• When the gang is gathered in the courtyard of the palace, Georgina reaches out and touches Blair’s arm. The look on Blair’s face is pure disgust. Amazing. –Chuckbassismybabydaddy

• Lily: “I know this is not in your job description.” Lawyer: “With the Bass family nothing ever is” (Or something to that effect). Plus 20 –Sarcasticmeow

• “Just because he took off with all the money doesn’t mean the feelings between us weren’t real”. Oh, honey. Go pet some bunnies. Plus 10 because, of course she thinks that. –Petiteesthete

• When Eric gives Rufus the ring box back, he has a horrified look on his face. Plus 6 because he knows Lily won’t say yes to that fugly thing. –Iheat16

• “I will never forgive you. And neither will JESUS.” Plus 10 –Syren483

• Plus 5 for Jessica’s husband being back! –Rgh


Faker Than Chuck and Blair Instantly Believing Gabriel Is Innocent

• Also, Lily is going to pay the investors back with BAGS of money? She went to the bank and said, I would like $100k in tens and twenties please, and please put it in some kind of suspicious burlap sack so that even my boyfriend, who is too stupid to live, will know something is up? WTF. –Twinsfindme

• Lily would keep her jewelry in her own vault at home. Does anyone really think she schleps to the bank every time she wants to change her earrings, watch or bracelet? Minus 2. –Uby

• Minus 5 because Lilly would have asked that her shopping purchases be put in plain black bags, or shopped online, because it’s so not trendy to flaunt money anymore, even if you have enough to pay off dozens of investors without raising an eyebrow –Fraulein

• Rufus would rather watch his son lose out on Yale than take money from his filthy rich girlfriend because of his shitty pride. Priority FAIL. Minus 2 –Cbassluv

• Blair would never have told Dan what they were talking about in Serena’s room. She would have snapped at him to mind his own business and made some snarky remark about taking the subway back to Brooklyn and that would have been the end of that. Minus 5 –Jnp1013

• Minus 10 (or plus 5, because it’s so weird?) for Dan and Jenny sitting creepily close together while playing cards. The sibling sexual tension is disturbing. –Sendingoutansos

• Guys. Minus 50 for Nate saying, “I was using the apartment to force our issues.” Come on, what is the likelihood that a 17-year-old boy would say that? Nate isn’t smart, articulate, or mature enough to pull that one off. –Jaywo

• Minus 5 for Gabriel not exclaiming “Thank God!” when Serena told him the pregnancy thing was just a ruse. –Dk16

• Minus 2 for the HUGE chunk of hair hanging out of Lily’s bun after brunch. She’d never go out onto the street like that. Also, Minus 1 for the fact that she’s walking home from brunch. Where was her driver? –Lizcc

• Minus 5 for the middle parts on both Blair and Georgina. I honestly cannot take it anymore. –Cbgirl

• Minus 5 for the Jesus Camp folks trusting Georgie with an envelope of cash. Even good-natured, trust worthy folks like Jesus followers should be smarter than that, and should have background checks on EVERYONE that decides to join their camp. –Suenue

• Minus 15 for dragging out (and often dropping the ball on) the Rufus-and-Lily-have-a-bastard-child-and-his-adoptive-parents-lied… plot. I bet that kid’s locked in the basement, a la “Desperate Housewives” season 2, for making a “fan” phone call to this half-brother Dan. Season finale, you better come through for us. –Mikey rox

Earlier: Gossip Girl Explains It All