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Daily Intel: What up, Paul-Money.
Paul-Money: Having kind of a crap day, finance-wise.
Daily Intel: Tell me about it. I took out money from the ATM this morning and didn't get a receipt because I didn't want to know.
Paul-Money: I lost £218 million, or approximately $355 million, after failing to close a short position in Barclays.
Daily Intel: Duuuuude.
Daily Intel: I'm so sorry. Are you totes broke?
Paul-Money: No, it's cool. I mean, it's more like I would have made £319 million, or $520 million, had I sold the stock at its January low. But instead, I only made £101 million, or $164 million.
Daily Intel: So wait, you made $164 million.
Daily Intel: ...
Daily Intel: Suuuucks. So, you want to do that thing where we fly to Paris and bribe the guards to let us snuggle the baby red pandas? That always makes you feel better.
Paul-Money: Yeah. Maybe we can get ice cream at Berthillion afterward?
Daily Intel: Totes.