Daily Intel: What up, Paul-Money.
Paul-Money: Having kind of a crap day, finance-wise.
Daily Intel: Tell me about it. I took out money from the ATM this morning and didn't get a receipt because I didn't want to know.
Paul-Money: I lost £218 million, or approximately $355 million, after failing to close a short position in Barclays.
Daily Intel: Duuuuude.
Daily Intel: I'm so sorry. Are you totes broke?
Paul-Money: No, it's cool. I mean, it's more like I would have made £319 million, or $520 million, had I sold the stock at its January low. But instead, I only made £101 million, or $164 million.
Daily Intel: So wait, you made $164 million.
Daily Intel: ...
Daily Intel: Suuuucks. So, you want to do that thing where we fly to Paris and bribe the guards to let us snuggle the baby red pandas? That always makes you feel better.
Paul-Money: Yeah. Maybe we can get ice cream at Berthillion afterward?
Daily Intel: Totes.
Most Viewed Stories
Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, and the Republican Establishment’s Tragedy of the Commons
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Whatever Happened to Erika Jayne?
It Has Been a Very Long Time Since a Monologue Joke Bombed As Hard As the One Seth Meyers Tried Last Night
What Romance Really Means After 10 Years of Marriage
A Film Producer Is Tweeting Out Terrible Descriptions of Female Characters in Scripts
Stephen King Confirms Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey Are in Talks for That Dark Tower Adaptation
Liz Meriwether on How They Changed New Girl While Zooey Deschanel Is on Maternity Leave
What Open Marriage Taught One Man About Feminism
The 100 Jokes That Shaped Modern Comedy
Fox News Settles in for a Long Campaign With Donald Trump, a Candidate Who Proves the Network Has Lost Its Power
Latest News from Daily IntelligencerBush Campaign Reportedly Prepares Normal, Boring Attack Ads — Politico Calls Them ‘Scorched Earth’
Don't let the publication's zest for political bloodshed mislead you.‘Happy Birthday to You’ Is Finally Out of Copyright
No more awkward cut to a character blowing out candles.Two of the Intellectual Pillars of the Black Lives Matter Movement (Kind of) Endorsed Bernie Sanders
Ta-Nehisi Coates and Michelle Alexander both prefer Sanders to Clinton. (But they don't "feel the Bern.")Carly Fiorina Drops Out of Republican Race
After a dismal performance in New Hampshire.So Many Costumed Characters Arrested in Times Square
Minnie Mouse, Cookie Monster, and Olaf the snowman tried to shake down a tourist for cash.Sanders Wins Big in New Hampshire! Now He’s Only 352 Delegates Behind Clinton!
Overcoming Hillary Clinton's huge head start among superdelegates is going to be a challenge.Chris Christie Ends His Presidential Campaign
Time for less traffic in the Establishment lane.Expect the GOP Establishment to Start Looking at the Bright Side of Trump
All of their guys — Bush, Kasich, Rubio, Christie — now seem like nothing more than also-rans.After an Impressive Second-Place Finish in New Hampshire, Where Does John Kasich Go From Here? Probably Nowhere.
He better enjoy his moment in the sun.The L Train Closure May End Up Being Even Worse Than Everyone Thought
Work on the line could take up to seven years.
The fanatically anti-Zionist National Review has finally gone too far.Michigan Officials Could Get Hit With Manslaughter Charges in Flint Water Scandal
Also, Flint residents got a boil-your-water advisory Wednesday.North Carolina Releases Results of Welfare-Applicant Drug Tests, and Barely Any Came Back Positive
Less than 0.3 percent of those screened had used drugs.Marco Rubio Admits the Liberal Media Had a Point About His Awful Debate
Rubio admitted that impersonating a robot obsessed with Glenn Beck was not a good debate strategy.Eric Cantor Shocked by Trump’s Victory, Also Everything That Has Ever Happened
The keen mind of the former House majority leader.FBI Reveals It Can’t Unlock San Bernardino Shooter’s Phone, Sparks New Encryption Debate
James Comey raised the issue before Congress.Fresh Intelligence: DOJ Threatens Legal Action in Ferguson, New Hampshire Reshuffles Race, and More
Our roundup of the stories, ideas, and memes you’ll be talking about today.Liveblog: Primary Night in New Hampshire
Watch the results come in with Daily Intelligencer.Paul LePage Claims Racist Remarks Were Part of a Clever Strategy
Shocker: He was talking about black drug dealers the whole time!Fox News Settles in for a Long Campaign With Donald Trump, a Candidate Who Proves the Network Has Lost Its Power
His success has stirred confusion throughout Fox and ignited a war between Bill O'Reilly and Megyn Kelly.