Today Katie Couric gave the traditional Class Day address at Princeton University, leading up to tomorrow's commencement. "It was quite an honor, although slightly daunting to follow in the footsteps of Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart and Jerry Seinfeld," she blogged just now at the Huffington Post. "At the precise moment I got up to walk to the podium after being introduced by Neil Chen, Class Vice-President, a hawk dropped its half-eaten lunch (a dead bird) in front of me — it landed with a thud." She posted the entirety of her scripted comments, and here are some of her best lines:
• "I have discovered I am the first female Class Day speaker in Princeton's history. OMG, WTF [Thanks for the LOL]"
• "Now, I understand this isn't Lilith Fair and there are plenty of great men out there...... but you actually asked Bradley Whitford of the West Wing BEFORE you had a woman?"
• "Also doing his part to advance Princeton's impressive technology footprint--Class of 82's David Duchovny, who is single-handedly supporting a major segment of the on-line industry. Apparently, these days Agent Mulder is really into the Triple X-Files."
• "And topping off the list, there’s former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer. Given his status as client number nine, it seems particularly fitting that he's a graduate of 'Woody Woo.'"
• "Coming here was a real no brainer! After all, I can see New Jersey from my house!"
• "There may be some opportunities in the Republican Party. They're still looking for an effective spokesman, and the only person they can find so far is Rush Limbaugh — and he won't take the job because he doesn't want to give up his prescription plan."
• "I understand Class of 54's Donald Rumsfeld has been charged with guarding the Big Cannon. I don't want to say he's taking his job too far, but he's reportedly been telling President Obama there are Weapons of Mass Destruction hidden at Rutgers."
We can't wait to hear the audio to see if she said "I can see New Jersey from my house" in her best Tina Fey voice ... and to hear how Sarah Palin reacts to this proof that Couric was out to get her the whole time.