Ramona Singer Cannot Hear You Now

By and
Give this woman whatever she wants.
Give this woman whatever she wants. Photo: Patrick McMullan

Paris Hilton threw fruit at a Texas beauty queen that was flirting with her boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt, then made out with a soccer player. Just another Tuesday night. Miley Cyrus got her nose pierced. Head-butting 24 actor Kiefer Sutherland discussed aggressive interrogation techniques with Ed Rollins and Robert Zimmerman at the Waverly Inn. Silda Spitzer threw a 50th-birthday party for her husband, Eliot, and their kids at Compass. Janet Jackson has lost a lot of weight, at a speed that alarms the more steadily yo-yoing Perez Hilton. Ramona Singer was screaming about her broken cell phone at a Verizon store uptown.

Publicist Vanessa von Bismarck's gas has been shut off. Gym Class Heroes singer Travis McCoy was spotted leaving a bar with "buxom groupies." Mike Tyson's new wife has a rap sheet. But then, so does he. Michelle Obama has announced she doesn’t wear fur. Rihanna and Chris Brown both showed up at an NBA finals game in Orlando last night, but not together. A raccoon wandered onstage in Central Park while Anne Hathaway and Audra McDonald were performing a scene from Twelfth Night. Chastity Bono is becoming a man. Mom Cher wishes she could turn back time.

David Beckham's abs in the new Armani underwear campaign may appear to be Photoshopped, but that's quite all right with us. Kanye West reportedly prefers Chanel Iman to his model girlfriend Amber, and Carine Roitfeld to Anna Wintour. Dolly Parton gave Jessica Simpson career advice, one buxom blonde to another. Salma Hayek is writing a book about what it's like to be an Old Mom, which is a pretty good idea. A Georgia court clerk spills the beans on Usher's impending divorce.