Rounding Up of Flightless Accused Goose Terrorists Begins


As you can see in this image (and there are more chilling ones on the Post website), the corralling of molting Canada geese, who are unable to fly at this part of the season, has begun. They’re being boxed up and sent to JFK for extermination in a City Hall program to reduce the danger their increasing population creates for area airline travel. Now, you all know our position on avian terrorism. But these images are just chilling. We are in the age of Obama, people! Have we learned nothing from Guantánamo? We have to give these geese fair trials. Has anyone even tried talking to them? A little preliminary interrogation perhaps? We even skipped waterboarding! (Obviously, we know this is silly. Geese can hold their breath for a very long time underwater.) We cannot give up on our principles in order to preserve them. Already there are tens and tens of protesters out there rallying for goose rights. Next thing you know, seven years from now, we’re going to be paying millions and millions of dollars for improperly imprisoned, innocent geese to be relocated to Bermuda. And then what will the hard-liners say?