In the Los Angeles–New York orbit, there are sex tapes that we want to believe in. Dustin Lance Black's, for example, which showed that it is actually possible to look attractive while getting boned by an un-famous stranger. And Colin Farrell's, which not only proved that famous people encounter awkward bedroom hygiene problems like normal people, but which also contained the line: "I could do this breakfast, lunch, and dinner," regarding an act not allowed by the MPAA in R-rated movies (even starring Ben Kingsley). But there are some sex tapes that we just cannot abide. Like the one reported by TMZ early this morning:
We've learned a Meester tape is being shopped around town. It was shot a few years back, and shows Leighton in mostly innocuous though nude scenes — with several big exceptions ... one involving her very talented feet. We're told a company called celebhotline.com is negotiating for the video. The company's spokesperson, Kevin Blatt told us, "We've seen the tape and we're hoping to close the deal."
Okay, three things. One, when someone reports that there's a sex tape "being shopped around town" but hasn't actually seen it, it's our experience that no one ever ends up seeing it, because it doesn't exist. (See: Lauren Conrad, Angela Lansbury.) Two: Come on, people. The Haunting of Sorority Row may have been a B movie, but it hardly qualifies as amateur porn. When was the last time you saw a college-coed zombie in a celebrity sex tape?? (Don't answer that.) And three: Ew! Talented feet?
Leighton Meester Sex Tape -- XOXO [TMZ]
Update: As a commenter pointed out, Perez Hilton appears to have pics from said video. Without getting into too much detail, we maintain that we are not convinced by the partial body shots. And so begins the age-old game, "Do those really go with that?"