Once a week, Daily Intel looks behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the Semi-Retired Engineer Who Has Discovered Nudism, Tantra, and Internet Porn; male, 68, Brooklyn, straight, widowed.
7:30 a.m.: Wake up naked next to Nancy after an evening session of dinner and Tantra massage. Nancy wanted to get together again and enjoy closeness and comfort under my hands. We had last been together at a nudist dinner event. Nancy had an emotional release last night and it has left her very cuddly. Tantra massage has given me a whole new view of woman as an emotional creature seeking contact and stress release. Learning to provide that has been wonderful for me.
9 a.m.: Breakfast and good-byes. Nancy is off to a nudist resort upstate to meet a previous lover and I am off to a family birthday gathering later in the day.
11 a.m.: Go on the Internet to check e-mail and see who is flashing boobs on cam on the net. I do this whenever I need a break. It is most relaxing watching lovely, and not so lovely, ladies displaying themselves for all the world to see. Some of my favorites are on, and I linger a bit longer than I should. I have to be reminded to bring the burgers for the family barbecue by a phone call.
8:30 to 11 p.m.: Check e-mail and look for new possibilities for Internet dating. And a last look at the tittie cam. Nancy has recommended that I contact her friend Jana, a fellow nudist. She feels that we will enjoy each other. I send her a note with some nude pictures, and then off to bed.
7 a.m. Up and checking e-mail. E-mail includes a couple of Tantra gatherings to be considered and some potential massage-trade-partner correspondence. Get note from Nancy, who enjoyed the weekend and wants to set up another massage weekend in August — the next time she is free. Put in calendar.
9:30 a.m.: E-mail done. Look at webcams. Some nice breasts as well as a lady with a dildo putting on a free show. Watch for a bit, then move on.
10 a.m. to noon: I have to handle some business calls and then off to do some errands.
1 to 2 p.m. Pick up my daughter from chemotherapy. She has ovarian cancer. I tell all the women I meet about this awful cancer and warn them to always be alert for its signs, which are sometimes subtle. On the way home I get a call from Jo.
2 to 3 p.m.: I have a long conversation with Jo, a married friend, seeking advice on Tantra massage. I offer my opinions on its value for her and offer to be available for her if she needs me. She says that she will call me when she gets into town.
8 p.m.: Miscellaneous surfing after dinner for some massage information. Go on Yahoo nudist chat. Time easily passes. Eventually end the Internet surfing and go to watch some TV.
6 a.m.: As I wake up, I am stroking myself. I stay in bed for awhile enjoying myself. The most noticeable thing that age and meds do to you is you no longer wake up with a hard-on. Feels strange. One more thing that life throws your way. Body changes mean that you have to adjust your sex life or redefine what sex is and how you get pleasure. Maybe that was what Clinton was talking about.
8 to 10:30 a.m.: Do some business things and handle e-mail, then check out titties on cams.
10:30 a.m.: Shower and get ready for lunch date with Sarah, whom I connected to through Craigslist. We are going to a Tantra demonstration together on Friday, and are having lunch to get to know each other and discuss. Should be interesting.
11:30 a.m.: Lunch with Sarah was a joy. She sees signs that Tantra is growing in popularity and wants to know my experience. Being an engineer, I draw a map of the roots of the local Tantra scene and where I fit in. She gets it.
3 p.m.: Call Jana about getting together for a sensual massage and other things. She is receptive, but our schedules don’t open up till after the Fourth of July. Have to get back to her later.
11:30 a.m.: Get a call from a woman I have met at several Tantra venues. She is asking about tomorrow’s workshop. Nice to hear from her. I am realizing, more and more, after meeting the same people, that Tantra is a community here on the East Coast. I think that must be one of its appeals, especially for people moving here. As a native New Yorker, I know how hard it can be to connect even if you know your way around.
3 p.m.: A call informs me that the lingam-massage demo I was taking Sarah to has been canceled. I e-mail Sarah and suggest dinner as an alternative.
9:30 p.m.: Return home from a graduation celebration, and have an e-mail asking how I got into Tantra massage. It is a question I am often asked, as Tantra is not a common path for a widower. It is the healing path I am on and it seems to work for me. I answer her question at length and realize that I have been with about twenty women since I started Tantra — massaging about fifteen of them and discussing with the others. Most, if not all, need the same unconditional love and contact as I do. I guess we are all healing each other.
7 a.m.: Up and then breakfast and check e-mails. A nice response to my e-mail explanation. She asks me to call her, I leave a message.
1 p.m.: Talk to Jo. She tells me of her uncomfortable experience with a breathing teacher and asks my opinion of whether she should continue to see him. I advise her to cool off for a while.
2 p.m.: Sarah returns call. Sorry about cancellation, but she says that is quite in line with her findings — that women are less interested in pleasing men. Apparently more women prefer oral be performed on them than are willing to give.
10:30 p.m.: Return home from event. Check e-mail. Check if weather will be good enough to go to nude beach — looks iffy.
8 a.m.: Check e-mail. The usual.
3 p.m.: Hour-long conversation with the woman who e-mailed me. We discuss the intimate details of our lives and discuss our sex history and the value of Tantra to each of us. We end up making a date for next Friday for lunch and a Tantra massage. Turns out that we have met previously at a Tantra puja, and by chance I found her again on a networking website. We both feel that fate wanted us to meet.
5 p.m. Off for dinner with Sarah.
7 to 11:30 p.m.: We find a place for dinner and return home. We kiss a bit. Sarah decides that a massage is not in order at this time. On one hand, Sarah is new to Tantra and unsure of her reaction. Tantra is about surrender and satisfaction — to gain the satisfaction, you must surrender to the moment — she’s not ready for this.
8 a.m.: Awake and think about going to the nude beach. See the massive storm on its way and decide that today is not a beach day.
11:30 a.m.: Call Jana about meeting at a nudist resort for a weekend together after July 4.
2 p.m. Off to luncheon meeting. We shall see where it goes. She lives on the same exit as the nude beach — maybe she will join me there when the weather improves.
3 p.m.: An interesting lunch with a recently separated woman. Am I attracting these? It appears that women hit their early 60s in marriages that have been dead for years, and they all of a sudden awaken to their mortality and want a piece of the pie. They are long-term married and never strayed, and now are looking for a soul mate. Like all of us, they have issues from body image to nervousness to sexual and personal hang-ups. Now they want to be accepted — warts and all — by a New Age man. I guess I have settled into that definition — I didn’t see it coming. The Tantra experience has sensitized and opened me up. Maybe I am easy to talk to. I am enjoying it.
7:30 to 11 p.m.: E-mail check, surfing net for a bit of porn and other miscellaneous surfing.
TOTALS: Zero acts of intercourse; three acts of masturbation; one canceled Tantra demonstration replaced with a failed Tantric-massage attempt; six discussions with five middle-aged women about their potential Tantra lives.