A Grandma Accidentally Borrowed a Porno From the Library


Esther Klein's three grandchildren, ages 7 to 15, were coming over to her house, and she wanted to entertain them. So she rented a copy of Mike Myers's Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery from the Borough Park branch of the local library, and the four of them settled in to to watch the movie, a James Bond spoof in which the title character, a British spy whose catchphrase is "Do I make you horny, baby?" tussles with numerous villains, including one with the name Alotta Fagina. If you haven't seen it, the movie is pretty hilarious, and contains many funny lines about "shagging," "Swedish-made penis enlargers," and how there "really is nothing like a shorn scrotum." And then there's this one, our favorite:

Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whore's bath? Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a 'how's your father'!

Ha! It's wholesome fun for the whole family. Which is why Klein was shocked — shocked — when, after the closing credits, the screen suddenly filled with X-rated footage. Someone, it appeared, had recorded a porno over the library's tape!

And now her grandchildren were seeing it! Their baby eyes! Klein complained to her local assemblyman, Dov Hikind, who threatened to take away all of the library's VHS tapes in order to prevent this kind of disgraceful incident from recurring. After all, he told the Post, therapists have said that children can suffer psychological damage from viewing pornography. "It's pretty sick stuff," he added. Indeed. It's one thing to joke about a shorn scrotum with your grandma, but actually seeing one in the same room with her is another thing entirely.