A Terrible Story About Balls

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A Queens woman, enraged at her husband for allegedly emotionally abusing and cheating on her, took a steep revenge early yesterday. As 67-year-old Emmanuel "Ojo" Ojofeitimi slept, his wife, Oyindamola, crept up on him with a "big pot" of boiling water. Ojo promptly awoke as his entire midsection was being scalded, suffering second- and third-degree burns from his knees to his abdomen. "It sounded like a woman screaming," a neighbor in their Springfield Gardens building told the Post. [Warning: This next part is not nice to read if you possess or have ever appreciated the male anatomy.] "I didn't know what had happened," Ojo said later. "By the time I woke up, the skin was falling off." This is probably the second-worst wake-up scenario we can imagine, right after waking up in a bathtub full of ice with a note about our kidney taped to our wrist. And we're not sure the latter has ever actually happened. "I will file for divorce, but I don't want her in jail," Ojo said, going on to add, sagely: "She does not forgive."

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE [NYP]