United Technologies chairman George David, the architect of a penurious post-nuptial agreement that left his wife, alleged countess Marie Douglas David, with a mere $43 million, has agreed to throw his ex a bone, which, if it is accepted, will end their appallingly awesome divorce trial: He's offering $6 million to $8 million in cash and property, on top of the original package. George threw us, the tabloid-reading public, a bone as well, in the form of the following comments in today's Post:
"She was always portraying herself as perfect, Swedish, aristocratic and beautiful," the mogul griped during trial testimony. "And everybody around me was inadequate."
God. We hate it when people portray themselves as Swedish, draping themselves in cold herring and listening to Peter Bjorn and John really conspicuously. It's so arrogant.
And also, regarding a pair of $1.5 million earrings:
She says they window-shopped for them at a London antiques shop. But when David bought them, on May 12, 2006, he never even showed them to his wife — instead tossing them in an office drawer until this year.
The countess says they're hers. George said he bought them for himself.
That is awesome. We look forward to Liberace wearing these sparklers to future court appearances. Until then, we congratulate him. The man may have 99 problems, but at least a bitch ain't one.