Three Mistakes Debbie Rowe Has Made This Week

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Like most people, we don't feel a whole lot of sympathy for Debbie Rowe, Michael Jackson's ex-wife and the biological mother of his two eldest children. She's weird and abrasive, and has made hugely questionable life choices. But this morning, when her giant jawline was splayed across the tabloids once again, we felt a twinge of something like pity. Debbie's in a real media hole now, the kind where no matter what she says or does or what her true motivations are, everything she does or says will pretty much only serve to make her look worse. Then again, it's a hole she dug herself by making three major missteps.

1. Writing the following e-mail, and having the feelings said e-mail describes:

"Do I want the kids? Hell no. Does it look good for me to ask for them? Absolutely. I don't want to look like the woman who gave away her kids and just forgot about them."

2. Sending said e-mail to a "friend" who in the past has worked as a reporter, one whose beat appears to exclusively be Debbie Rowe. Said friend has now received a legal reprimand, which will only incite her to release more information, etc., ad infinitum.

3. Having her lawyer send a letter to the Post demanding they remove their anonymously sourced story claiming that Debbie was paid $4 million in order to give up her parental rights. Her attorney, Eric George, works primarily on business litigation, not family or crazy celebrity cases; we guess that's why he doesn't know that it's pointless to send threatening letters to the Post, who are "overzealous and inaccurate and sensational" about everyone, all the time. They're like flashers over there — if you get all worked up about what they do, it just excites them more.

Whew. We're not even sure the time-honored cure for such a mess — time, an extreme makeover, and a Barbara Walters Special — will be able to fix this one.