JPMorgan today announced a $2.7 billion profit for the second quarter, blowing away analysts' expectations and, we'll admit, causing us to clap a little in our cube, owing to a slight schoolgirl crush we have on CEO Jamie Dimon. (Oh, do you not? Watch this.) The Times, we think, loves him, too: They called the results "stellar." But we suspect that, in the midst of this good fortune, our man is still somewhat brooding. A lot of people are still defaulting on their credit cards, is the thing. And also their mortgages. And then there's the petty but nonetheless painful fact that arch nemesis Goldman Sachs pretty much blew them away. Still, look on the bright side, Jamie! At least no one's calling you an orc or a humanity-sucking vampire squid.