Oh No! Beloved Pet Caught in Pug of War!

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Photo: nypost.com

This is Dexter. For the first three years of his life, his parents, Eric Dare and Doreen Houseman of South Jersey, pampered him and showered him with love. They bought him toys and expensive dog food, and dressed him up in preppy polo shirts, just the way he liked. But then, in 2006, something bad happened. His parents, for reasons that were never explained to him, broke up. Dexter was confused, upset, and lost. First a judge gave custody to his dad, Eric. Then his mom, Doreen, won a reversal of the ruling in an appellate court. Now, he's in court again, reliving all of the pain and drama and character assassinations all over again.

The couple, who used to refer to Dexter as "their son," could not agree on joint custody, and both will stop at nothing to win. So far they've spent $40,000 in legal fees. There are only two ways this can end: either with both Eric and Doreen hanging from a giant chandelier in the foyer of their old house, the bolts of which Doreen loosened in an attempt to off Eric once and for all — OR in a touching scene outside an elevator where Doreen agrees to give Eric custody, as Dexter clearly wants to be with him. As she gets into the elevator to go retrieve Dexter, she'll ask Eric how she looks, and he'll tell her, softly, "You look terrific." Either way, Dexter, be strong.

SPLITSVILLE DUO IN 3RD TUG FOR PUG [NYP]