Bill Clinton Is Doing More Fantastic Stuff!

Bill Clinton, about to turn a subtance made of sawdust and wet paper into a bar of gold. Photo: Getty Images

Did you hear what the world’s best, most popular Clinton has been up to lately? Even after risking his life by facing down the dangerous and unpredictable North Korean regime, and, by his sheer cunning and intellect, securing the seemingly impossible release of two American hostages destined to otherwise spend the next decade cracking asbestos stones with pickaxes, Bill Clinton has refused to rest on his laurels. Just two days after returning Stateside, he announced a deal with pharmaceutical companies to lower the cost of HIV/AIDS drugs. He soon jetted off to Las Vegas to promote sustainable energy and infuse our economy with some much-needed heedless spending at the pricey Craftsteak, a sacrifice so few people are willing to make these days. And today, in just his latest altruistic act, he announced a partnership with Zagat to rejuvenate Harlem with a guide to its restaurants and attractions. Meanwhile, throughout all this selflessness and hardship, Bill’s wife, Democratic-primary also-ran Hillary Clinton, has been enjoying a carefree African safari on the dime of the U.S. taxpayer and occasionally yelling at students for asking questions she dislikes.

In Bill-Hillary popularity contest, Bill wins [Front Row Washington/Reuters]