Gerard Butler Takes Off From Planet Kelly

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Despite the fact that The Beautiful Life's Mischa Barton is fresh out of the psych ward, it's actually her co-star, Elle Macpherson's, inability to act that's worrying the show's execs. And we all know what a stickler for quality acting producer Ashton Kutcher is. Shia LaBeouf researched his upcoming role in Wall Street 2 by spending the day at Knight Capital Group in New Jersey. Ashley Olsen sports a bra and granny panties for the September issue of Marie Claire and says she's "surprised" she didn't end up like Britney Spears (it's not too late!). When asked what he looks for in a lady, the self-described "young, free and single" Robert Pattinson said he likes "strong people" with "chiseled abs." Angelina Jolie did not make the cut for Vanity Fair's Best Dressed list, but Brad Pitt, for the third year in a row, did. And Sienna Miller says she can understand why people hate her, since, you know, she ran off with a married father of four and all. How sympathetic of her. After flirting with Gerard Butler at the Soho Grand back in June, Kelly Bensimon had a hissy fit when she spotted him there last week, this time chatting up Rose Byrne. She tried to block Butler from Byrne, at which point Butler apologized to Byrne for Bensimon's inappropriate behavior.

Derek Jeter and A-Rod ignored each other when they both ended up dining at Sunda Asian restaurant in Chicago Saturday night, though Jeter did gesture in A-Rod's direction when Reggie Jackson stopped by to say hello. Brian Williams has supposedly signed on to be one of Jay Leno's "correspondents" for his new prime-time NBC show. Joan Rivers tells it like it is, especially when talking about Jon Gosselin: "I'm disgusted by him. Here's a guy with eight kids who runs off to 'find himself' — well, he should have found himself a condom." Gosselin also spent the night with his kids' 23-year-old babysitter while they went camping with Kate. And, shockingly, their TLC show's ratings tanked 61 percent after returning from a monthlong hiatus Monday night. Neil Patrick Harris was asked to host the Tonys again. And Paula Abdul is officially leaving American Idol. Tragic.

Kate Hudson and Goldie Hawn munched on tacos at Mercadito. After giving bankruptcy a shot earlier this year, Frederick Lesort is closing both the downtown and Madison locations of his restaurant, Frederick's, this week. Funny People co-stars Adam Sandler and Leslie Mann hung out at Uncle Jack's Steakhouse on Friday. Zac Efron downed a few vodka shots to celebrate his 21st birthday while shooting The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud in Vancouver. Ryan O'Neal's son, Griffin, says his dad gave him cocaine when he was 11.

Dustin Lance Black, Milk's Oscar-winning screenwriter, is suing StarzLife.com for $3 million after the sited posted naked photos of him and his ex going at it. Black thought the pictures "had been deleted long ago." Adam Lambert's fans started throwing sex toys at him onstage. Madonna butchered one of Pulitzer Prize winner Anne Sexton's poems in a love letter (now up for auction) she faxed to her then-boyfriend, Jim Albright. And after Katy Perry said she came up with the idea for "I Kissed a Girl" in a dream, singer-songwriter Jill Sobule says that she actually wrote it in 1993, and though she has "always refrained from criticizing another artist," she's now referring to Perry as "a f---ing thieving little slut."