At the end of every punchy column, Post gossip queen Cindy Adams almost always relays a little story. Whether it be about celebrities or just normal people experiencing something awkward on the elevator together, the anecdote (and column itself) ends with the bolded chyron: "Only in New York, kids! Only in New York." Sometimes she does a variation on the theme, like today's example:
AUTHOR Bruce Little field found a 1995 Social Security brochure. It states all calls are confidential and, to ensure "accurate and courteous service," a rep will monitor random conversations and that the phone number's 800-537-7005. He called. He got a porn line that said to dial 800-927-TALK to talk to "hot girls for $0.99 per minute . . . horny students, housewives and working girls . . . all the explicit hot talk you can handle." Who knew Social Security offered such benefits?! Only in the US government, kids, only in the US government.
The stories never really mean anything but are usually kind of funny, or at least emblematic of Adams's unique style. And now that style will take to the stage — well, a makeshift stage in her Park Avenue penthouse, at least. For four nights this September, to benefit the ASPCA, Adams will perform Only in New York, Kids! for 50 paying guests, in the comfort of her own living room. The one-woman show will tell her own life story and include dish on the celebrities she's come to know so well. Some of you may not be old enough to remember Adams on The Gossip Show, one of E!'s first original programs, which featured Adams, Liz Smith, Michael Musto, Army Archerd, and a string of other national columnists. It was great, and Adams was just as plucky on it as she comes across in her columns. We're willing to bet that the $250 you'll have to shell out for a ticket to her show will be well worth it. Plus, it comes with a free tour of her apartment, which used to be owned by Doris Duke, and is reportedly only haunted by the ghost of her famous Yorkie, Jazzy, when there is a full moon.