Jeremy Piven Is Becoming Hysterical

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Robert Pattinson and his Remember Me castmates avoided city hot spots in favor of a low-key gathering in the back of Long Island City pub Dominie's Hoek. Derek Jeter is in a scuffle with the Davis Island Civic Association, who rejected his request to build a six-foot-tall concrete wall around his 30,000-square-foot estate (which is twice the size of George Steinbrenner's Tampa home). New Jersey's incumbent governor, Jon Corzine, sent out a press release claiming that his challenger, major W. supporter Chris Christie, is refusing to release basic information about his stint as U.S. attorney, fueling rumors that Christie, who says he's all about transparency, is hiding something. Jeremy Piven got into a screaming fight with Chris Kattan when Kattan made a crack about his Speed-the-Plow sushi defense. And after gracing British Elle's cover in September, Lindsay Lohan may not be seen in the magazine's pages again. Editor-in-chief Lorraine Candy writes, "This was the most unpredictable and confusing shoot in my magazine career." Are we surprised?

Madonna's younger man, Jesus Luz, has decided he wants to be a D.J. We hear he has some connections in the music industry. Robert Downey Jr. is helping Guy Ritchie get over Madge by setting him up with his Iron Man 2 co-star, Haitian model Mellany Gandara. The two got better acquainted at Ritchie's London pub, the Punchbowl, the other night. New Jersey rapper Joe Budden says the Wu-Tang Clan's entourage attacked him backstage at L.A.'s Rock the Bells concert over the weekend. Victoria Beckham, looking as skeletal as ever, was thought to be "icy and wooden" during her stint as Paula Abdul's American Idol stand-in. The Killers released a tropical remix of "Hotel California" for the new Rhythms Del Mundo album, and it makes us want to sit on a beach with a Corona. John Mayer tried to party with his mother at L.A.'s MyHouse, but she took a tumble right in front of the paparazzi. And just when you thought she couldn't get any smarter, Kim Kardashian decided to go blonde.

Michael Jackson's body was finally buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery in the Hollywood Hills, but his family's keeping the exact location a secret in case a fan tries to dig it up and steal it or something. Meanwhile, Jackson's friend Mark Lester says he's Paris Jackson's biological father. Because Janet Jackson is having tons of food delivered to the set of the Tyler Perry movie she's working on, friends are worried that she's eating away her sorrows. Whitney Houston's supposed comeback is stressing out Mariah Carey, who's scrambling to finish her new album. Kyra Sedgwick, who lost money to Madoff, says she's "getting back to simple pleasures," like cover shoots for Ladies' Home Journal. The head of PETA wants Lady Gaga to pose nude for the group's "Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" ad campaign. Gaga has yet to respond.

Tracy Morgan just filed for divorce from his wife on Friday, but he's been seeing another woman for the past two years. Rafael Nadal lugged his tennis rackets through JFK as he got off a flight from Madrid and boarded another to Montreal. Princess Stephanie of Monaco dragged her kids out of Hair right after the nude scene. Elle Macpherson treated her two boys, and two of their friends, to dinner at Serafina.