We'll admit it: We love quirky apartments. Vast bedroom in a windowless basement? Great. Shared patio with drug addicts who always ask you to babysit? Done. Bathroom in the kitchen? Okay, we work in Soho; at least it's a short commute. But the Post this morning has found an adorable, charming little space that we're not sure we could get into: Manhattan's narrowest townhouse. Once the home of Edna St. Vincent Millay, and reportedly host to Cary Grant and John Barrymore, 75.5 Bedford Street is nine and a half feet wide. It's on an adorable block in the West Village, and, according to the listing, has a very charming garden, plenty of light, and two back decks. Surprisingly, the four-floor 1873 Dutch-constructed home has 1,500 square feet of floor space — more than you'd expect for a stack of space that narrow not designed by Donald Judd. But here's the thing: $2.75 million dollars? Really? The place is so narrow that you can't have four burners on a stove in a square formation. Who's going to buy this?
Seriously. We want to know who you think would be perfect for this apartment. We'll get you started with some guesses:
1. Mayor Bloomberg, if he ever breaks up with that relative giantess he is dating.
2. David Blaine (what, like he needs space?).
3. The Olsen twins.
4. The entire cast of 90210.
5. Bernie Madoff's penis.
We're betting those five could afford it, at least. That is, if the 90210 cast all chips in together with the money they've been saving by not eating food, and Bernie's wang drains his account in Grand Cayman.
HOME FOR NARROW MINDED [NYP]