You may not believe it, but we here at Daily Intel are not morning people. Chris and Jessica were formerly real journalists, and as such are unused to having to report for duty before 10 a.m. Dan is a surly teenager and as such has to be physically yanked out of bed, boy-smelling comforter and all, every morning around nine. (And let's not even get into trying to get him to eat anything other than Kix.) We've actually always had a theory that people who are more successful at life (Rupert Murdoch, say, or Dora the Explorer) are awoken every morning by the fire of ambition and a seething rage at an outside world that exists only to be conquered. We, on the other hand, wake up with headaches (EVERY MORNING) and a deep sense of sadness. Only the terror that Sarah Palin or John Paulson have done something spectacular forces us out of bed to look at our computers. But scientists have just discovered a gene where certain people have to sleep substantially less than others, just naturally. Which totally makes sense! That's how other people get so much more done than we do — genetic advantages! Which, if you follow the logic, means that we are genetically disadvantaged. So anyway, please excuse us if later in the day the blog goes dark; we're scheduling a meeting with HR in which we have some things to discuss.
Most Viewed Stories
What Romance Really Means After 10 Years of Marriage
Yeezy Season 3 Was Like Dying and Going to Fuccboi Heaven
Eric Garner's Daughter Endorses Bernie Sanders In 4-Minute Ad
Poor, Awkward Jeb Bush Is Giving People Secondhand Embarrassment
Deadpool is About to Make a Crazy Amount of Money
It Has Been a Very Long Time Since a Monologue Joke Bombed As Hard As the One Seth Meyers Tried Last Night
Kanye West Reportedly Sent Taylor Swift ‘Famous’ in Advance; She Did Not Give Her Approval, for Obvious Reasons
A Sex Researcher Explains the Fate of Friends With Benefits
Ivana Trump Suggests That Donald Can Only Be Replaced by 3 Men
Emma Thompson Offers the Sensible Solution of Killing All the Old White Oscar Members to Make Things More Diverse
Latest News from Daily IntelligencerThree Texas Newspapers Reject Ted Cruz, Endorse Kasich and Bush Instead
Cruz's hometown paper, the Houston Chronicle, savages the senator as “willfully ineffectual.”Russian PM Suggests That Cold War II Is Already Underway
“Sometimes I wonder if it's 2016 or if we live in 1962.”30 Years Later, Missing Amnesiac Finds Himself
One of the longest-running missing-persons cases ever to be resolved.Mets Pitcher Jenrry Mejía Banned for Life After Third Positive Test for Performance-Enhancing Drugs
It was his third suspension in less than a year.Ivana Trump Suggests That Donald Can Only Be Replaced by 3 Men
The GOP front-runner's first wife weighs in on the presidential race.Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, and the Torture Primary
Commentary readers are not going to find out everything Max Boot knows.Why Is Bernie Dodging Questions About Whether He’d Expand Government?
Is that just an occupational hazard for a socialist?Eric Garner's Daughter Endorses Bernie Sanders In 4-Minute Ad
Black Lives Matter was once a "problem" for Bernie Sanders. Now it appears to be one of his strongest bases.Republican Debate Inviting Everybody But Gilmore
Gilmore Girls is coming back to television, but James Gilmore is not. How is that fair?Second White Guy Assaulted in Brooklyn by Man Calling Him ‘Cracka’
The cracka attacka strikes again.
The windchill is going to make an already cold weekend feel "crazy cold," says a meteorologist.New York’s Pro Soccer Club Unveils Redesigned Jersey by Showing Up at Fans’ Jobs
They thought they were being filmed for a documentary.Soft-Core-Porn Star Fails to Make Transition Into Mainstream Cruz Commercial
The ad was yanked, tossed, sacked — whatever you want to call it.Britain’s The Independent Is Closing Its Print Editions
It'll continue online.Congress Finally Finds Something to Agree On: Forced Labor, Child Slavery Bad
Closing an 85-year-old loophole.The NBA Inches Closer to Putting Ads on Uniforms
Will other leagues follow?Donald Trump Nears 50 Percent in New National Poll As Marco Robot Powers Down
That Trump-Sanders race everyone predicted is finally taking shape.Fresh Intelligence: NYPD Officer Convicted in Akai Gurley Case, Syria Cease-fire, and More
Our roundup of the stories, ideas, and memes you’ll be talking about today.What You Missed in the 6th Democratic Debate
The two candidates clashed over health care, Henry Kissinger, and whether Sanders is sufficiently loyal to Obama.Hillary Clinton Accuses Bernie Sanders of Sounding Like a Republican When He Talks About Obama
The implicit argument over Obama's legacy became explicit at Thursday night’s debate.