Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild punched and kicked Brody Jenner’s girlfriend at a club in Hollywood. Brody retaliated and was subsequently tased; the girlfriend will press charges. Mischa Barton says the reason she was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward was because of her wisdom-tooth removal. John Mayer challenged TMZ to find the mug shot from his 2001 arrest for driving with a suspended license, which they immediately did. Mayer looks the same, slightly yellower. Jon Gosselin, Kevin Federline, and Michael Lohan were going to be in a reality show called The Divorced Dads’ Club, with the premise “I should never have brought that girl home,” but Gosselin and Federline backed out. Gosselin also hit his head on a cabinet. The Sun wonders whether you would have sex with Lady Gaga.
The Gramercy Park neighborhood hates Gossip Girl because it puts too many cables on the sidewalk, and Anne Heche hates ex-husband Coley Laffoon because he is a “lazy ass” who looks forward to receiving child-support checks. Laffoon took the high ground on his Facebook page.
Megan Fox likes kissing girls, but Jennifer’s Body co-star Amanda Seyfried does not. They were able to make out anyway. Blind item: A “well-liked pro golfer” impregnated a stripper and switched sponsors to get millions for hushing it up. Elsewhere, strippers spanked Giants players while Amy Heckerling looked on. Rayanne from My So-Called Life, a.k.a. AJ Langer, has a baby son who’ll one day be British royalty. Parker Posey has been diagnosed with Lyme disease and must drop out of her upcoming play. Michael Jackson’s home had weed in it.
Derek Jeter might not be secretly engaged to Minka Kelly after all, but you never know. Natalie Portman loves obscene hip-hop “so much” that it makes her laugh and dance — very cool beans. Anna Wintour’s daughter Bee Schaffer once said she was interested in law, but now she’s into theater instead. Chris Brown’s new single, “Changed Man,” is basically an apology to Rihanna, if you want to look at it that way — but you shouldn’t, because it might just be an old track that’s only getting leaked now. Andy Roddick’s pretty wife, Brooklyn Decker, will be on Ugly Betty. Developer Bruce Ratner sold his Hamptons house and wants another one. Inspired by the outpouring of goodwill that followed the death of his wife, Natasha Richardson, Irishman Liam Neeson has opted to become an American citizen. Meanwhile, Jeremy “I ate too much sushi” Piven has won his court case.