Hey, Jared and Ivanka, Why the Sudden Rush to Get Married?

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As Kanye West, Mischa Barton, Queen Latifah, Lydia Hearst, and Liza Minnelli partied at the New York Public Library for Paper magazine and Hewlett Packard's 25th-anniversary party, Lindsay Lohan texted that she'd only show up if Mark Ronson left. And Kid Cudi got into a fight with some brunette on the stairs. Kate Moss had a hissy fit at GQ's Men of the Year Awards in London when host James Nesbitt kicked off the evening with a quip about her sex life. Then she lost her lipstick and pole-danced at the post-party while her Alexander McQueen minidress rode up around her waist. Ever the ladies' man, George Clooney went public with his girlfriend of two months, Italian MTV hostess Elisabetta Canalis, at the Venice Film Festival. We hope she doesn't have a thing for commitment. Meanwhile, J-Vanka's invites have yet to go out, but they're tying the knot in an Orthodox Jewish ceremony on October 25 at the Trump National Golf Club, if "Page Six" is to be believed. Which is kind of, well, unorthodox, as they just got engaged in July. We really, really hope she's preggers.

While Zooey Deschanel is busy filming in Belfast with James Franco and Natalie Portman, plans are under way for her Seattle wedding to Death Cab for Cutie front man Ben Gibbard at the end of the month. Demi Moore has been ignoring tweets from the British prime minister's wife, Sarah Brown, which the Daily Mail reports is "rather like being ignored at a social function." Hillary Clinton is supposedly frustrated by her lack of authority as secretary of State and is considering quitting to either re-take her Senate seat or run for governor. We don't believe this. Governor Paterson chowed down on ribs, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and a Diet Coke at Blue Water Grill. Tracy Morgan double-parked his Lamborghini at Comic Strip Live the other night before making a surprise appearance at Ray Ellin's early show. Then Oksana Baiul showed up with poker chips.

Ellen DeGeneres is replacing Paula Abdul on American Idol. Hugh Hefner finally filed for divorce from the former Playmate with whom he's been separated since 1998. Mario Batali and partner Joseph Bastianich were guarantors on the shuttered John Dory, and now they're getting sued for $75,000 for failing to pay rent on the restaurant, which was run by Spotted Pig's April Bloomfield and Ken Friedman. Eli Zabar's East Hampton neighbor filed a police report against him because his dog attacked her dog twice. A Marc Anthony–less J.Lo saw Billy Elliot on Broadway. Katherine Heigl is taking time off to adopt a Korean baby. Ashlee Simpson says big sister Jessica wants to have a baby. And Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have been tweet-gushing like crazy about the birth of their son, Sparrow James Midnight Madden.

Chris Brown thought that because he visited Oprah's school in Africa, she should have been more supportive of him in his mistreatment of Rihanna. But Oprah fired back, stating, "Domestic violence is something that I won't tolerate. Period." Jude Law dined at Marseille. In honor of her L.A.M.B. collection, which is being shown at Milk Studios today, Anna Wintour, Shelby Bryan, Aerin Lauder, Amy Astley, and André Balazs fêted Gwen Stefani at the Standard Grill. Mary-Kate Olsen was busy throwing back shots at the Jane Hotel for Victoria Traina (daughter of Danielle Steele)'s birthday. The location of Alexander Wang's after-party is very hush-hush, but rumors are floating around that it's going to be held at the Mobil gas station on West 15th and Tenth Avenue. And Victoria Beckham arrived in the city for Fashion Week but won't discuss her rumored breast reduction, stating "We should just not talk about each other's boobs." The nerve!