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if we were friends with john paulson

If We Were Friends With John Paulson, Part VII

The conversation we might have had with rock-star hedge-funder John Paulson over Instant Messenger today, if we were, like, bros.

Paul-Money: Sup.

Daily Intel: What up Paul Money!

Paul-Money: What're you doing.

Daily Intel: I'm just trying to decide whether I should bother rolling what's left of my 401(k) from my old job into my new plan or if I should just let it hang there forever.

Paul-Money: How much is it?

Daily Intel: I'm proud to say I think it's almost five figures.

Paul-Money: You should probably cash it out and buy gold with it. In the event of a financial apocalypse, that much might get you a ride to, like, New Jersey. Not that I know anything about a coming financial apocalypse.

Daily Intel: Sweet. Anyway, what's up with you?

Paul-Money: Ugh, I am just trying to deal with this annoying story that has come out about me.

Daily Intel: You mean that New York Social Diary post from last week? That was AWESOME.

Daily Intel: "Mrs. Paulson, it is said, is a very positive influence in her husband’s life. Evidently before she came along he was breezing along with the breeze and living the Wall Street bachelor’s life. And all that that entails."

Daily Intel: "And all that that entails." Hahahaha you DOG.

Paul-Money: Hahahaha.

Daily Intel: Back in the day you were, like, living the life, eatin' crab, watching bitches shake shit all night.

Paul-Money: Toootally. That reminds me: I have this insane story about Jay-Z I have to tell you. Anyway, but no, I was talking about the effing story in the Post about how I am supposedly trying to "marry" IndyMac with CIT Group.

Paul-Money: Which I am so not.

Daily Intel: Ewww. Dude. That's like trying to set up two people just because they are both mentally disabled.

Paul-Money: Well — not exactly. But anyway, the point is, IndyMac is overseen by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation now. So if Sheila Bair thinks I was trying to do some kind of merger without talking to her

Paul-Money: Like if she even thinks the thought crossed my mind, I would be in deep shit.

Daily Intel: She probably does. I hear she can get inside people's dreams. Like Freddy Krueger.

Paul-Money: Shut up.

Paul-Money: Anyway, I denied it, so we'll see.

Daily Intel: Harsh realm.

Paul-Money: I mean, it's okay, I still have billions of dollars.

Daily Intel: True THAT.

Paul-Money: BTW do you want to come over tonight? Jenny ordered some of those huge rolls of bubble paper and we're going to crack open some Lafite and stomp on it.

Daily Intel: Totally. See you later.

Daily Intel: DOG.

Paul-Money: Hahaha Late.


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