Mischa Barton Does Not Want to Work Out, or Eat Hamburgers, at Equinox

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Mischa Barton was spotted clutching a McDonald's bag and whining, ""Do I have to?" to her trainer outside Equinox in Soho. It's unclear whether the Beautiful Life star was referring to working out or to her trainer's plan to psychologically torment her by forcing her to eat hamburgers in front of her fellow gymgoers. Tyra Banks offered defaming blogger Perez Hilton an America's Next Top Model appearance in exchange for his vow to not badmouth celebs under 18 for six months. Perez agreed, then dissed Demi Moore's 15-year-old daughter, Tallulah. Two bodyguards watched over a recently rehabbed Kirsten Dunst as she partied sober at the Jane Hotel. Eric Dane placed his hand on wife Rebecca Gayheart's stomach at DJ AM's funeral, and now everyone thinks she's pregnant. (But the couple might just want press that doesn't involve them in a threesome sex tape.) And though he denies having any sort of "anger problem," Chris Brown is looking forward to his court-mandated counseling and anger-management courses, saying, "I want to understand my feelings."

Randy Jackson slammed the press for covering his brother Michael's celeb-studded funeral. Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, golfer Nick Faldo, and Olympic skier Bode Miller watched Melanie Oudin play in the U.S. Open yesterday, while most fans (except Anna Wintour) left before Roger Federer's match. Michelle Obama's trainer dishes that the secret to the First Lady's coveted arms are tricep push-downs and hammer curls. Lakers forward Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian are an item. According to Odom, she's "smart and beautiful," and he just signed a $33 million contract. San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman was arrested on Sunday for choking his girlfriend, Tila Tequila, but he says he was just trying to stop her from driving home drunk, and his lawyer insists he did "what was appropriate under the circumstances." Sure. Gordon Ramsay's heroin-addict brother has been sleeping on the streets in London, though he "appears to have recently shaved and had a haircut and was in possession of a clean-looking sleeping bag, decent clothes, and a tidy mountain bike." Shocking no one, Lady Gaga says she blew massive amounts of cocaine solo while listening to the Cure. Female fans of sultry Israeli designer (who claims he did not break up Billy and Katie Lee Joel's marriage) Yigal Azrouël "go to his [meatpacking district boutique] and try on things just to be naked in the same room with him."

Taylor Momsen has been "practicing all week" with her band, Pretty Reckless, for Teen Vogue's Fashion's Night Out promotion party on Perry Street tonight. Hilary Duff had a girls' night at Underbar. Sean Penn has been flitting about London with a swimsuit model, but what else is new? Alyssa Milano and her new hubbie, David Bugliari, honeymooned at the St. Regis Bora Bora. Taye Diggs is a father. The cast of God of Carnage is back in action. Michaela Watkins and Casey Wilson were axed from SNL. Spike Lee is co-producing the film Evolution of a Criminal, about Darius Clark Monroe, a teenage bank robber who took Lee's film class at NYU. And Aubrey O'Day says her teacup Maltese likes it when she dyes the dog's hair, insisting, "It actually seems like such a taboo weird thing nowadays, but if you research online, you will see a whole underworld of dogs who are dyed."