Obama to Indoctrinate, Nag, Bore Students Today

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Obama's glowing eyes are expected to indicate the exact moment that brainwashing commences. Photo: Marisa Woocher; photo by Getty Images

President Obama is set to address the nation's schoolchildren around noon today, and despite the White House's concession on some "controversial" language in a suggested discussion plan, many school districts have opted not to show the speech. Many parents, meanwhile, remain skeptical, and some are even keeping their kids out of school. "It seems innocent enough, but what he is trying to do is get the kids on board with his agenda," says one Indianapolis dad, expressing a concern typical of many parents. "There's a lot of issues that he's in favor of that I'm not, and I don't want that shoved down my kid's throat," a mother from Alabama concurs. In an attempt to set the record straight, the White House released the text of Obama's speech yesterday. So what kind of un-American, terrorist-sympathizing, or socialist values will Obama try to instill in the fresh, tractable minds of America's youth?


But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life — what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home — that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.

Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.

Self-determination, personal responsibility, and perseverance!?! Did Obama crib the speech straight from The Communist Manifesto? The horrors.

In reality, the rest of the address is full of similar exhortations. Do your homework, ask for help if you need it, set goals for yourself, and on and on. Which, really, should put to rest any fears that Obama's hidden agenda is to seduce the next wave of Democratic voters. For many kids watching the speech, Obama will become just another annoying authority figure trying to encroach on their precious sexting time.

Prepared Remarks of President Barack Obama Back to School Event [White House]