Once a week, Daily Intel peeks behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the Polyamorous Publishing Person in a Long-term Relationship: 27, female, Prospect Heights, bisexual, in a relationship.
8:37 a.m.: Receive a Gchat message from Chad, informing me that he can’t wait to be inside of me. Was just settling in to work, and now will be shot for hours, fantasizing.
9:01 a.m.: Solidify plans to stay at Chad’s tonight. I live with my boyfriend of six years, but I’ve been spending one night a week with Chad for two months. They know about each other. This requires some negotiation, but it usually works out, since the Boyfriend and I opened up our relationship completely. Wonder if the Boyfriend will go stay with the Asian Girl he’s seen a few times, or try to find someone new.
9:58 a.m.: So horny at work. Go hide in the bathroom and jerk off thinking alternately about Chad and the Boyfriend. Love that I have two men’s cocks at my command.
7:47 p.m.: Have a passionate make-out with the Boyfriend on a bench outside a restaurant. We’ve gone through various levels of “open” relationship. In the beginning it was just me being able to sleep with other women; now the current level is totally open. He sees other girls and occasionally goes home with them.
8:10 p.m.: Go to an outdoor concert with the Boyfriend, meet up there with friends.
9:30 p.m.: Supposed to go sleep at Chad’s when he gets off of work at 10:30, but I get a terrible allergy headache and I have to call it off. Sad because I won’t see him all weekend. Boyfriend takes me home and puts me to bed.
5:09 a.m.: Stray text message from late last night comes belatedly through and wakes me. Thinking about relationships. I’m not interested in getting married, and I don’t want children. I believe that emotional commitment can be very rewarding, but I don’t believe in physical fidelity.
2:06 p.m.: Leave work early to go to Chad’s house. We fuck like our ship is going down.
3 p.m.: Boyfriend has a coffee date with a woman who gave a presentation at his job. I like to think of him on a date while I’m with Chad — this is the freedom we have been working so hard to have.
8:30 p.m.: Out at dinner with the Boyfriend and our respective best friends, I stupidly and drunkenly make a bragging comment about having left work early to fuck Chad. I don t know why I do this. It hurts the Boyfriend and I apologize profusely.
7:41 a.m.: Continue last night’s discussion. I promise the Boyfriend not to brag about my conquests anymore. We talk about the possibility of a threesome with the Girl I Want, someone I met through high-school friends last weekend. The aim is for both of us to experience life to the fullest and enjoy freedom while also enjoying security. It gets pretty lonely sometimes in a world of naysayers getting married and disapproving.
8:17 a.m.: Get to work and have a text and a wall posting from the Girl I Want. Fantasize about making out with her.
10:26 a.m.: E-mail from the Boyfriend saying he forgives me for last night’s indiscretion. He also informs me that he’s spending Sunday night and Monday with the Asian Girl. I Gchat Chad to make plans with him for then.
12:37 p.m.: Lunch-hour text from the Boyfriend saying he wishes he could be inside me and my mouth at the same time. Wish I could go home right now.
1:12 p.m.: Get a Facebook message from a guy I made out with once at a party, who is trying to convince me to go stay with him in Berlin this summer. It’s not going to happen. I keep telling him I’ll think about it, which I do, occasionally while touching myself.
2:39 p.m.: Text from Chad, who is going camping, about wanting to do me in a tent. I don’t know how I get any work done.
4:50 p.m.: Come home and push the Boyfriend down on the bed. My best friend, who is visiting this weekend, will be getting back to the apartment soon so we’re in a rush. We do it my favorite way, on the edge of the bed.
8:30 p.m.: Out to the bar to celebrate my friend’s birthday. Copious amounts of bourbon. I don’t flirt with anyone since I am focused on catching up with my best friend.
6:30 a.m.: I wake up and realize I passed out on the couch and don’t know if the Boyfriend came home. Go into the bedroom and he’s there, passed out as well. I get into bed and curl up with him.
8:30 a.m.: Still drunk and on four hours of sleep, wake up decidedly non-horny. Boyfriend insists he won’t get out of bed until he does somebody. I oblige.
11 a.m.: We have a morning pre-party at our apartment before an all-day music show. The Boyfriend looks amazing today. I am impressed at how he’s gotten hotter over the years.
12:50 p.m.: The Girl I Want shows up at the party. Friend confirms that she has a crush on me.
1:30 p.m.: Drunken blur, during which a sizable group of friends runs around Coney Island and drinks gallons of tequila. Boyfriend and I spend the day flirting with the Girl I Want in a low-key way. Still feeling out the situation; it’s not clear whether she just wants me or would be up for both of us.
10:30 p.m.: A few people go out to dinner. We discuss continuing the revelry at a bar, but Boyfriend and I decide we are all done and go home and pass out. Make plans with the Girl to hang out tomorrow in the park.
8:45 a.m.: Wake up to the sound of the Boyfriend getting ready for work. Sleepy but surprisingly not hung-over. Touch myself while waiting for him to get out of the shower.
9 a.m.: Pressed for time again, we have hot sex. The open relationship has only made our sex better. He finishes hard, taking me from behind, which I love.
6:04 p.m.: The Girl I Want comes to meet me in the park. We have dinner and ice cream. She says we should go to the south of Spain together. Great conversation, but just not sure where I want this to go.
10:14 p.m.: Go out to see Chad. The Boyfriend was supposed to stay with the Asian tonight but she canceled, and he graciously said no when I asked if he wanted me to change my plans.
11 p.m.: Both Chad and I are wrecked from our respective weekends. We have some sleepy sex. We both pass out.
6:45 a.m.: Wake up to my alarm, extremely disappointed that I have to go to work. Am consoled with three rounds of sex. We sex and sleep for an hour and a half until I absolutely have to leave. It’s easier to deal with work having already had several intense orgasms.
11:14 a.m.: Negotiating with the Boyfriend about plans for the day while he is with the Asian Girl. I try to find out if he will be home tonight and get a vague response and assurance that I should just do whatever I want to do.
1:24 p.m.: Hating today. Can’t focus.
2:31 p.m.: Text the Boyfriend to find out the evening plans. He is having dinner with the Asian Girl. I let him know I am jealous. It bothers me that she doesn’t even know about him having a girlfriend. He feels that girls will be scared off if he mentions the open relationship too soon and that it’s not the same for me, with guys. I disagree. A lot.
4 p.m.: Decide to go see Chad again. Nothing like a day when you get to have sex immediately before and immediately after work. I am addicted to him.
7:30 p.m.: Dinner with Chad, talking for two hours about jealousy, past loves, the nature of our relationship. We have always acknowledged the strangeness and precariousness of our situation and wonder at how long it can last.
10:20 p.m.: I have to go back home. I need some rest in my own bed and to reconnect with the Boyfriend.
11:45 p.m.: Boyfriend comes home from his day with the Asian Girl, having just slept with her. I get annoyed when he gets in bed with her smell on his shirt. I am pleased to hear that he finally told her about his open relationship. She is okay with it, because she is apparently embroiled in an unusual situation of her own.
8:34 a.m.: First text of the day, from Chad: “I’m so hard for you.”
8:54 a.m.: Text from the Boyfriend saying he misses me. I am so looking forward to a quiet night at home with him. Feel like I haven’t seen him in a week after all the craziness. We text back and forth about building a fort with blankets to hide from the rain. And then jumping each other in it.
9:25 a.m.: The rainy day is not helping; I just want to leave work and go to Chad’s bed, spend the day there, and go home at night to my Boyfriend. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me that I can be like this, and other times I am so pleased that I have the guts to live the life I want to.
9 p.m.: The Boyfriend is starting to get a cold, and I am exhausted from a hard workout. We watch some TV together and then go to sleep early.
TOTALS: Two acts of masturbation, one at work; seven acts of intercourse, three with the Boyfriend and four with Chad; two jealousy-based arguments; one long relationship discussion with Chad; countless fantasies over my two men, plus a girl.