Christine Mancision, 27, should have known better than to tell her lawsuit sob story to the New York Post. Unless your case is against a celebrity or a perv, the tabloid is going to make you seem like a fun sponge (which, chances are, you might be). And it’s particularly hard to relate to parts of Mancision’s lawsuit. See, she was dancing at a wedding reception at the Hyatt in Morristown, New Jersey, when a tall, drunk guy grabbed her and started dancing with her. “I had no idea who he was. And he grabbed my arm and spun me around to dance with me and then just flung me off to the side of the dance floor, and I went flying to the floor,” she told the paper. “When I sat up, I was in a lot of pain. I looked at my arm, and it was bent the completely opposite way.” She suffered a wedding injury! The rarest form of public humiliation. (Incidentally, we have seen two people catch on fire at weddings, one of which was the wedding between Intel Jessica and Jessica’s Husband.)
The part about her suing over being nearly danced to death at a wedding is understandable. She had to go to the hospital and have a metal plate inserted in her arm, which left a permanent three-inch scar. (The dance assailant turned out to be the brother of the bride, of course.) She had to pay $2,500 in co-pays, and had to go to eight months of “grueling” physical therapy, which made her cry, she says. This is where you can sense the Post sort of turning against her. Because, see, the lawsuit doesn’t end there. She also sued the Hyatt Hotels chain for $1 million in damages for what she says was a violation of New Jersey’s “dram shop” law — a prohibition against serving someone liquor even after they are “visibly intoxicated.”
This woman is suing a hotel for letting someone get drunk at a wedding reception. That goes against all that is holy and American. (No judgment if your wedding is dry for religious reasons, but if it’s dry for secular, non-AA-related reasons, that’s unforgivable.) Who is going to go home with the bridesmaids if not the drunk single siblings of the happy couple?
What’s missing from this story, of course, is the most important element. What song were they dancing to when the accident happened? If it was it “Don’t Stop Believin’,” “Livin’ on a Prayer,” or any of the other rock anthems that leave out the letter “g,” a certain amount of violence is to be expected. But if it was, say, “September,” or “Sweet Caroline,” then her outrage is totally understandable.