Gossip Girl Isn’t in Love With You, You Moron

By
Do you think she wears this on dates with Vanya? Photo: Courtesy of the CW

This week, Gossip Girl taught us the joys of telling the truth and the value of taking a leap. We watched Lily and Rufus fall apart (again) and come together (again), saw Little J embrace her Queen-dom (with Blair’s approval), and gasped as Georgina Sparks unleashed the love-child secret.

In the comments, you debated Dan’s choice of computer for street-IM-ing, the timeline of Sonic Youth’s musical career, and Lily's fashion choices, and swooned over Chuck’s pillow talk (and, of course, Dorota, who loves you back). And surprisingly, you felt genuine concern for Carter’s future. Looks like you're all a bunch of pansies. Below, your best comments, compiled this week by all-star commenter Annie_in_NY.

Realer Than Vanessa Not Attending the Loft Wedding Because She Can’t Watch the Man She Loves Get Married
Plus 10 for Dan laughing at his own unfunny Godzilla joke whilst IM’ing Olivia FROM A LAPTOP IN THE STREET. That dude is dorkilicious. —aswelltheymight

• There’s no guest room because Rufus and Lily are acquiring children faster than Brangelina. Soon they’ll all be bunked up like the Brady Bunch. Jenny and Eric are totally Bobby and Cindy. Plus 10 —Judgement_Face

Plus 5 for Nate watching Babe with Blair. I bet he cried at the end too. —Destynee

• When Georgina approached Vanessa from behind I thought she was going to snap her neck. Plus 5 for the way she made peekaboo look menacing. —countrymaeve

• Georgina had Poppy deported? Plus only 1 because I expected a lot more from Georgina Sparks, like making her into a drug mule or killing her and donating her body organs to scientific research. —peterpanda94

Plus 10 for the way Serena says “Im a genius” because not even SHE believes something that ridiculous. And then the dumb blonde runs off to play with someone else’s shoes, so plus another 5 for that. —NurseLuvBass

• Vanessa is wearing a vanessa inspired look from the anna sui for target line? plus 5 —miserable

• “You buy a girl a ring. You tell her you love her. What- did you make her breakfast as well?” Plus 2 for Serena getting to the crux of the matter. Because out of all the things that Carter has done, forcing defenseless socialites to eat high-calorie sugary carbs in the morning is the worst. —BlairCorneliaBass

• A touchdown for Bree’s cousins playing DL at Arnett Mead. AM is the arch rival of the Dillon Panthers on Friday Night Lights Plus 6. —ACharmer

Plus 5 for the final scene fading out on Serena and Nate, bookends of heartbreak in the same doorway foreshadowing their inevitable coupling. But minus 3 because this is coming at least a season late. —sunnywalker

Plus 15 for Dan recognizing (after the fact) that Scott’s Lincoln Hawk fanboy thing must have been a ruse, while remaining oblivious to the fact that Scott played him the exact same way with his “fan letter.” This gets positive points for character consistency. —suspenders_not_belts

Faker Than Vanessa Taking a Cab
• Bree’s roommate taught her to say Hi in Swahili? EVERYONE KNOWS HOW TO SAY HI IN SWAHILI. Hello? Mean Girls? How the hell else would Lindsay know what to say to the unfriendly black hotties? Minus 10 —cbgirl

Minus 3 for Dan saying he’s a terrible IM flirter. Dan is a writer! IM flirting should be his medium! —timmyinboston

• No one from Texas would ever say they are from “the south.” Texans are Texans before they are Americans. Minus 5 —TMT337

• It’s official - Jenny is going to be Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas for Halloween. Plus/minus 3 —bklynkitty

• Obviously the writers want to make us believe that the 30-something actress playing Lily is actually old enough to be the 20-something actress playing Serena’s mom. Nevertheless, she would still have wedding pictures that were in COLOR. She is not that old. Minus 2 —onefunnottwofuns

Minus 5 for Blair being so excited about the wedding at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Even if it’s one of the most desirable places to get married in the city, it’s still Brooklyn - and Blair Waldorf doesn’t do Brooklyn. —headbandlove

• Rufus: “I have to find him! Vanessa where do you think he would be?” Umm about ten steps away. Lily literally just went Naomi Campbell on him twenty seconds ago. Minus 20 because Rufus should have more experience looking for his runaway kids. —kdow3

Minus 3 for Lily thanking Serena for not going to Brown because then her and Rufus would never have an impromptu marriage. She would not give in that easily. —ladylaw

• So this episode was great, but the fakest thing of all, even for a deranged psychopath like Georgina Sparks, is her falling for Prince whatever and going off to Europe with him after exchanging 3 sentences. Minus 20 —NONYBOTES

Minus 5 for the absence of Cece…You know she’s rolling in her hospital bed right now knowing that her daughter finally married the rockstar from Brooklyn and their love child has resurfaced! —kiik

• If Rufus and Lily were really looking for Scott at the bus station, why did they wander away from said bus station? Minus 8 —PurpleandGreen

Minus 10 for the Humphreys now compromising the most confused family dynamic since Julie Cooper married Caleb Nichol from The O.C. —sps38