A-Rod and Kate Hudson's sex life is "like Animal Planet." Rosie O'Donnell said that she and Angelina Jolie exchanged digits and almost dated, but that Jolie's "scary in a sexual kind of way." Sarah Palin made the trenchant observation that Levi Johnston's Playgirl shoot fulfills a "desperate need for attention." And a Malawian orphan told Madonna that she's God.
Michelle Obama offers dating tips to Glamour readers, noting that "cute only lasts for so long." But Taylor Swift told Ellen that Taylor Lautner is "cute," but she won't say whether or not he's a good kisser. She's too busy going out on fro-yo dates with Lautner's ex Selena Gomez, in blatant violation of the don't-befriend-your-current-hookup's-ex code.
Edward Norton and his Masai warriors are all set for Sunday's marathon. Lady Gaga's getting her ninth tattoo in honor of her dad, who just had open-heart surgery. Josh Duhamel supposedly cheated on Fergie with a stripper, but this is according to said stripper. At the OneXOne gala in San Francisco, Charlize Theron auctioned off a meeting with Nelson Mandela, except Mandela never agreed to it. J.Lo, Will Smith, and Ice-T attended L.A. and NYC premieres of This Is It, where Jackson fans picketed in front of partygoers, protesting his alleged mistreatment during filming. Matt Dillon played the congas at Batista Lounge's Rumba Cubana Night on Avenue C. And Kevin Bacon, Calvin Klein, and Salman Rushdie checked out the East Hampton storm shots at the opening of "Hurricanes," at Chelsea's Sonnabend Gallery.
Barbie has a Palm Beach sugar daddy (how has she gone so long without one?). Producers of Tinsley Mortimer's "reality" show spiced up the plotline by urging Tinsley and her sister, Dabny, to catfight for the cameras at Apothèke. This is a shocking departure from other reality shows, which are 100 percent true to life. In Michael Lohan's endless pursuit of the paparazzi, he says he'll be airing frantic voice mails from his wife on Entertainment Tonight which claim that LiLo's headed for destruction. Tell us something we don't know. Hailey Glassman reports that she's emotionally abused by Jon Gosselin. So he's not the perfect boyfriend? We are floored. Mark Teixeira ate at Rebecca's in Greenwich with former Sony Music Label Group chairman Donnie Lenner, where his meal was frequently interrupted by autograph requests and toasts from fellow diners. And Natalie Portman defends vegetarianism by comparing eating meat to being a rapist. We, however, continue to enjoy our burgers.