Micro-pigs — miniature pet piggies that are sweeping Britain like Susan Boyle brandishing Potter’s broomstick — are in the midst of their stateside media blitz, garnering lustful coos from the Today show crowd and generally making everyone melt like swine butter. Their breeder actually isn’t selling to buyers in the U.S., but that doesn’t mean a sham marriage to some clueless Brit is out of the question just to take one of these wee little piggies all the way home.
For all of Daily Intel’s much-documented suspicion of the animal kingdom, your editors are not immune to instances of extreme adorableness (see: PUPPIES!!!!!!), especially when it’s delivered in tiny, precious packages. And these pigs are fucking cute. Not only are they sweet and delightful and Rupert Grint has one, but they also possess the best qualities in a pet: They’re very intelligent, quite clean, can be trained to use the litter box, and according to one breeder, just love to be loved. If Craigslist gave it to us this good, maybe we wouldn’t even need pets.
But wait. There are some problems here. These little guys are the result of irresistible cross-breeding of FOUR different breeds of pigs. That’s some heavy pig engineering (suddenly Puggles and Labradoodles seem so … simple), and micro-pigs haven’t been on the scene for very long — who knows what sort of horrible micro-defects and micro-diseases they might develop later on! One minute the micro-piggy is in your pocket; the next, your pants are soaking wet because the thing is uncontrollably foaming at the mouth. Or you think you’ve just been innocently watching television with little Barnaby in your lap, but an hour later he’s devoured your gallbladder. God only knows.
Micro Pigs With a Hefty Price Tag [Telegraph UK]