Paris Hilton Leaves Her Door Unlocked

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Heidi and Spencer Pratt are dressing as Jon and Kate Gosselin for Halloween, because, as Spencer accurately reports, "What's scarier than Speidi Plus Eight?" And David Beckham is going as X-Men's Wolverine, largely because he's too lazy to shave. Miley Cyrus was voted the worst celebrity influence of 2009 in an online poll. Sure, let's all forget about Kanye, LiLo (and her porn-reminiscent leggings line), and blame poor Hannah Montana. Paris Hilton, while exiting Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills, fumed that she "hates" the teen robbers who stole clothes and jewelry from her L.A. home. Though she did leave her front door unlocked — that's like asking to have her house ransacked! (Not to mention having all her exotic pets run away.) But it's not like she's a public figure who flaunts her valuables or anything. Amanda Peet's jewelry box was stolen from her Duane Street loft, and when her assistant caught the theft in action, he said, "What's up, bitch? I live here." Clever. And "Page Six" is just now reporting on the Taylor-Taylor romance; meanwhile Swift and Lautner have been an item for, like, days.

Sean Penn, on assignment for Vanity Fair, met with Hugo Chavez in Caracas and told him he was on his way to visit Obama. He also tried to pay Fidel Castro a visit, but Castro refused. Apparently he's not a Milk fan. Mark Wahlberg showed up late to GQ's Gentleman's ball sporting jeans and construction boots. But he was just in from L.A., where jeans are acceptable everywhere, so he's forgiven. Mel Gibson won't go back to Scotland because he hates wearing kilts. Chaz Bono (formerly Chastity) says he likes being a guy. We imagine life would be much simpler that way. Country crooner Brad Paisley says he's turned down Playgirl several times. Bai Ling likes to sleep naked next to her pet cheetah, but it's okay, because she says she was a cheetah in her past life. And Todd English drowned his aborted-wedding sorrows in drinks at the Gansevoort with David Graziano.

Senator Joe Lieberman sat in a field box at Yankee Stadium, surrounded by Phillies fans. Ronan Tynan, the Irish tenor who was dropped from his "God Bless America" Yankee gig after making an anti-Semitic remark, sang and apologized at last night's Anti-Defamation League dinner, and now he's back in everyone's good graces. O.J. Simpson and his white-supremacist bunkmate are BFFs in prison. David Spade said his Tommy Boy ad for DirecTV was purely to honor Chris Farley. Except that he also got paid $200,000. Jon Gosselin is trying to atone for his wrongdoings by receiving counseling from the same rabbi who advised Michael Jackson, because, you know, he has such an awesome track record. Meanwhile, he was offered a cool million to do a reality show with Octomom Nadya Suleman. Just when you thought he couldn't go any lower ...