secretary of awesome

Hillary Clinton’s Teen Crush, Fabian, Is in Awe of Her Big Balls

While speaking at a college in the Philippines last Friday, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was asked, “If you had a crush, aside from Bill Clinton, who would it be?” Hillary quickly retreated into the safety of discussing her preeminent crush as a schoolgirl — fifties and sixties teenage heartthrob Fabian:

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Many, many, many, many years ago, when I was young, there was a singer in the United States whose name was Fabian. Some of you who are my age remember. And I was president of the Fabian fan club. And there were, like, three of us in it, but we took it very seriously.”

That’s cute, but we wanted to know if the feeling was mutual. So we called up Fabian — who still performs with other acts of his era like Bobby Vee and the Chiffons — to see how he feels about Hillary Clinton.

That’s cute, but we wanted to know if the feeling was mutual. So we called up Fabian — who still performs with other acts of his era like Bobby Vee and the Chiffons — to see how he feels about Hillary Clinton.

Fabian was impressed, first and foremost, with how Hillary dodged the question asked of her to begin with. “It was fucking incredible,” he told us during a break from felling trees on his property in western Pennsylvania. “You know what I mean? I mean, I thought that was just fucking brilliant. I thought it was beautiful — being a politician, she got herself out of that one pretty good.” So he appreciates her ability to evade a question, but what about her as a person? Does he like her, or even … like like her? Turns out that Fabian is, in fact, a member of the Hillary fan club (metaphorically). “The reason why I’m really a fan of hers is that with all she has been through [laughs], she comes out great,” he told us. “I mean, she came through Bill Clinton, she came through Obama, and she’s making the best with what she has.”

He continued, “I mean, she’s an incredible woman. You know, she’s got bigger balls than most men out there.” That’s an incredible woman, indeed.

Hillary Clinton’s Teen Crush, Fabian, Is in Awe of Her Big Balls