Demi Moore Is a Puma, Not a Cougar

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Please, just sign us up for whatever she's doing to that face. Photo: Getty Images

Audience members walked out of Tracy Morgan's racy Carnegie Hall performance, where "middle-aged women were the most flabbergasted when he started mimicking explicit sex acts onstage." Twilight's Christian Serratos is getting naked in the woods for a PETA ad. And speaking of posing in the buff, Levi Johnston is after joint custody of his son. Demi Moore tells W she'd rather be called a puma than a cougar, and that she and Ashton Kutcher have a "deep and old connection." Russell Brand's Hampstead home is on the market for about $4.2 million, and it even has a yoga room and "wheely bins round the back." Robert Pattinson admits to less-than-stellar self-maintenance, boasting, "These jeans are a few days old, but the top is probably fresh because it gets to the point where even I can't stand the air around me. I don't know, my personal hygiene — it's so disgusting!" And he wonders why he can't get a date.

Madonna and Jesus are jetting off to Brazil, but she’s going "strictly for fund-raising and humanitarian purposes," not to hang out with Luz's family. She also just shot the new Dolce & Gabbana campaign in Brooklyn with Adam Senn, the "actor-model" owner of Chelsea's Il Bastardo. Tom Ford reports that his time at YSL was made so miserable by Yves and his partner, Pierre Berge, that "Yves Saint Laurent doesn't exist for me." Joe Halderman, who's accused of blackmailing David Letterman, is rounding up his friends to pitch in on his $200,000 legal bill. TLC sued Jon Gosselin for breaching his contract, so now he's countersuing for $5 million, just because. Lamar Odom is being sued by a woman who claims he totaled her car. Sir Ian McKellen is encouraging the fight for gay marriage, whether it involves writing letters, talking to congressmen, or breaking windows. Ed Koch invited Henry Kissinger, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Mayor Bloomberg, and Mario Cuomo to his St. Regis birthday party.

Seth Meyers, Russell Simmons, and The Office's Brian Baumgartner partied at SL for Shirine DiSanto's birthday, whose husband is MTV's programming president. And a drunk Wall Street broker spilled his drink on Simmons at the Sunflower Children Gala, where Quincy Jones grabbed the mike and shouted, "Shut up. I am donating $10,000 and I'm out of here" when no one listened to his speech. Kevin Connolly organized a poker tournament at Austin's Driskill Hotel and flew in a couple dozen Playboy Playmates to keep the boys company. Connolly, however, sneaked out the back door with former Miss New York Shanna Moakler, who once guest-starred on Entourage. In the spirit of doing good, Pamela Anderson had a photographer banned from the Make-A-Wish Ball because he refused to shoot her with a "ring flash," which eliminates shadows and imperfections. Tiffani Thiessen (sans Amber) is preggers. And Taylor Swift comments on dating Taylor Lautner: "It's weird calling somebody your name."