One of the powers exclusively reserved for Oprah Winfrey and Oprah Winfrey alone has traditionally been the ability to turn an author of contemporary literature from a mere writer into a superstar. Her power is absolute: If you make it onto her Book Club list, you will immediately be vaulted from a mere mid-lister to a perennial best-seller. Even if you are William Faulkner, you will achieve unprecedented success! But according to some writers, she now has a rival on the field: Glenn Beck. The Fox News opinion host likes to take political thrillers and use them on his television and radio programs as allegories for real-life events. And this, it turns out, has a massive effect on sales on this already massively successful genre! “He’s our Oprah,” thriller writer Brad Thor told the Times. “God love him, we’re very fortunate.” Of course, Oprah focuses on inspirational and lyrical fiction, while Beck mostly just focuses on popular thrillers. But who cares! Schlock writers need to complete their vintage-car collections, too! As his current book editor says: “Glenn is a regular guy, and regular Americans like thrillers.” As opposed to those “irregular” Americans, who like fruity things like literature, and buy books that you can’t find in airports. Those people will just have to stick with Oprah. Sigh.