If We Were Friends With John Paulson, Part VIII

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Paul-Money: That is how you do it. Ka-ching!

Daily Intel: Word.

Daily Intel: So what are you up to?

Paul-Money: Well, yesterday I bought almost 14.8 million shares of Cadbury.

Daily Intel: The candy company? I like those eggs they make at Easter, although they make the back of your throat burn in a weird way.

Daily Intel: How much did that cost you?

Paul-Money: Around $187 million. 759.59 pence a share

Daily Intel: Dude, why can’t you just say $7.59 pounds, or $12.20?

Paul-Money: I shun the dollar.

Daily Intel: Whatevs. But wait: Didn’t Kraft just make a bid for Cadbury for just 745 pence a share? Couldn’t you lose money if they accept something lower?!!?

Paul-Money: They won’t. Cadbury called bullshit. Kraft will up their offer.

Daily Intel: How do you know?!?!?!

Paul-Money: Well, the other night I got super-baked and read this post on highDEAS. We were totally out of Halloween candy and I was so pissed

Paul-Money: And then I had a revelation.

Paul-Money: I was like, Kraft needs Cadbury. Chocolate is, like, totally essential.

Daily Intel: Wait. You read highDEAS for stock tips?

Paul-Money: DUH OF COURSE. Everyone does.

Daily Intel: Dude you should totally invest in Cool Whip. That stuff will be huge when people recognize “whipped” as a new state of matter.