Singer and actress (remember Out of Sight?) Jennifer Lopez is in the headlines for a lawsuit she’s filed against her first husband, Ojani Noa, to keep him from releasing saucy footage of her that was filmed while the two were in the midst of their honeymoon period. It’s not a sex tape, per se: According to the Post, the most salacious moments come when she checks herself out in a bathroom mirror in her underpants, she gets spanked (again, in her underwear), and gets on a motorcycle (wearing a short dress). The Post calls these clips “sizzling,” and “immodest,” which is tame, even for them. But as we learned through the whole debacle with Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane, even if there’s no sex, in the press this is going to be labeled a sex tape.
This is great news for Lopez, we think. First of all, she didn’t do anything wrong, or gross. But “sex tape” headlines will be great for her PR — the last thing she did that got her on the cover of People was give birth to twins, and everyone knows babies — even two at a time — are the Priuses of publicity. Sure, they’re exciting when celebrities get them at first, but then they’re just as boring as going to Starbucks or pushing a shopping cart in Malibu. We were about as thrilled about Max and Emme Lo as we were with the T-Pain iPhone app. It was really great for maybe one day, and now it’s just there for good, gurgling at us.
Plus, this tape is a reminder that Jennifer Lopez used to bone hot Latin dudes. Is it wrong that a person’s sex appeal is in part defined by the person they’re having sex with? Maybe. Do we like Marc Anthony well enough as a person? Sure, we enjoy his music (and we’ve heard those “baby’s arm” rumors). But J.Lo: Take a page from the Madonna playbook and allow people to imagine you “Waiting for Tonight” with a hot young stud. Let this happen! Continue your lawsuit, whatever, but don’t try to stop the press from writing about it. You couldn’t have picked a better publicity stunt for your January, 2010 album, Love?, if you’d starred in it yourself.