Dear Wolf Blitzer,
As a journalist and news anchor, you’ve covered everything from wars and political controversies to natural disasters and balloon hoaxes with skill and aplomb. But oddly enough, the one topic capable of shaking you from your maddeningly even keel is marijuana. Yesterday, surrounded by your 50,000 enormous screens, you awkwardly told anchor Jessica Yellin that you couldn’t recognize a marijuana plant (dubious!) but you could identify the smell, quickly throwing to Lou Dobbs as Yellin asked you to elaborate:
But this wasn’t the first time you’ve been flummoxed by a discussion of your personal experience with marijuana. Back in May of 2008, when your fellow CNN anchor Jack Cafferty asked if you’d ever smoked the drug, you clumsily stuttered, “No uh, well, you’re getting into a sensitive area.” You were so uncomfortable immediately afterward that you could barely form a coherent sentence, and Cafferty let you off the hook out of sheer pity.
Look, Wolf, we’re going to level with you: You’re not running for president. You’re a somewhat respected midday news anchor. Nobody cares if you’ve smoked marijuana before (or still do). In fact, it wouldn’t surprise anybody. You went to college in the sixties. You have a beard. Your name is Wolf. And, oh yeah, you’ve already stumbled into half-admissions twice now on live national television. So next time the topic comes up, just be honest with us. We can handle it.