Levi Johnston and Jon Gosselin, Together At Last

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Photo: nydn.com

Tom Cruise allegedly threatened to "beat the living [bleep]" out of any disobedient Scientologists, and while a hotheaded Cruise wouldn't surprise us, this is according to a former high-ranking Scientologist official who likely has a bone to pick with the Church. Following Rihanna's Good Morning America commentary, Chris Brown asserts that "all of the details should remain a private matter between [him and Rihanna]," though we can't imagine why. Victoria Beckham is trying to launch her own modeling agency. The always-humble Jay-Z, who reports, "I don't dislike anything about myself," says he and Beyoncé are ready to have a baby. And Levi Johnston and Jon Gosselin posed for photos together in Times Square. We wonder if they talked about impregnating women.

Like any trustworthy father, Michael Lohan sought $100,000 for "secret recordings" of LiLo and Dina, and LiLo's assistant told Michael that she fears for Lindsay's life, which he just happened to catch on tape as well. Lindsay, meanwhile, was busy crying outside L.A.'s Crow Bar at 2:30 a.m. Zac Efron decked himself out in Dolce & Gabbana. Gwyneth Paltrow is slated to play Nicole Kidman's wife in The Danish Girl, a film about the first post-operative transsexual. Robert Pattinson says he likes playing "weirdos" because it gives him an excuse if his performance isn't so hot. Katy Perry took Russell Brand home to meet her parents, and he thinks it went well because he "always [gets] along with spiritual people." Blake Lively said she really enjoyed working with Ben Affleck on The Town because he's "been in this business for so long that he really knows what he’s doing."

Don't mess with Tony Soprano: While shopping with his stepmom on Jane Street, James Gandolfini smacked a stalking paparazzo's camera to the ground. Daniel Boulud, Jacques Torres, and Laurent Tourondel celebrated the opening of François Payard's chocolate bar. The Cinema Society's screening of Precious made Iman, Donna Karan, and Agyness Deyn cry, while Colin Powell maintained his composure. Mickey Rourke continues to stumble around like a homeless person. Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne got cozy over dinner at Serafina, where Ozzy "smelled good." Stephanie Adams, the only Playboy Bunny to come out as a lesbian, is now engaged to a man. And Taylor Lautner says he doesn't know whether he and Taylor Swift are an item. Guess they haven't had the talk yet.