Lindsay Lohan Realizes Her Parents Were the Enemy the Whole Time

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After Michael Lohan released audiotapes of both Dina and LiLo sobbing to him, Lindsay tweet-vented about her parents' marital issues. But Michael's just blaming drugs and God for his daughter's downfall, since it couldn't possibly be the result of poor parenting. Because 2002's Swept Away was such a memorable success, Madonna has another film in the works, and this time she wrote it herself. Justin Timberlake is in talks to play Boo Boo in a big-screen version of The Yogi Bear Show. Nicole Kidman ditched Robert Pattinson by dropping out of Bel Ami, the film in which they were slated to co-star. The sixth in a slew of Hollywood burglars has been arrested after breaking into the homes of Megan Fox, Orlando Bloom, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson, Ashley Tisdale, and Audrina Patridge. Given that list, authorities were shocked to find that the robber wasn't a 13-year-old girl.

Kate Hudson and A-Rod celebrated the Yankees win by partying at 1Oak with Derek Jeter, Minka Kelly, and A-Rod's mother. Hudson left after 30 minutes, but everyone else stayed till 5 a.m. A still-preggers Gisele dined with Tom Brady at Prime 112 in Miami. Stephen Colbert sabotaged Bob Woodruff's interview with Bruce Springsteen at the Stand Up for Heroes benefit by flushing the toilet in a nearby bathroom every time Springsteen started to speak. Paula Abdul bawled her way through an AFI screening of Precious with Will Smith, Oprah Winfrey, and Lee Daniels. A young brunette who wasn't Katie Lee started flirting with Billy Joel while he was strolling uptown. He said she was "very nice and charming." And Andy Roddick took his wife, Brooklyn, condo shopping in Brooklyn.

Remember how Tinsley Mortimer couldn't find anyone to be on her CW reality show? Well, she did find Paul Johnson Calderon, who maybe stole a handbag from the Eldridge earlier this year and was caught breaking sconces in a Union Square apartment building on Tuesday. But it's okay, because he's "dealing with the problem by compensating for the damage." Sounds like a real winner! Kevin Spacey backhandedly complimented Real Housewives' Alex McCord and Ramona Singer at Sunday's Stella Artois Short Film Bash by announcing that they were the "most remarkable pair" of talent present at the event, so now they've taken to battling it out via Twitter. Carine Roitfeld is headed to the city to help her art-dealer son, Vladimir Restoin Roitfeld, open a show at Essex Street Market.

Jon Gosselin is avoiding the holidays with his eight children and estranged wife by crashing Hailey Glassman's Thanksgiving and Hanukkah celebrations instead. He's also finding solace through yoga, which he's clearly very serious about, considering he brought an Us magazine camera crew with him to class. The always-classy Kristin Cavallari dishes about a tampon string hanging out of her "little booty shorts" at a photo shoot. 50 Cent's been keeping busy by promoting his new fragrance at Macy's. Blake Lively and Diane Kruger chatted at Chanel's Fete d'Hiver. MTV's Alexa Chung celebrated her 26th with Champagne, cake, and ice cream at Sweetiepie with Agyness Deyn and Tennessee Thomas. And Sharon Osbourne is (rightfully) getting flak for saying Susan Boyle "looks like a hairy [bleep]hole," then adding "You just want to say, 'God bless — and here's a Gillette razor." Now that's just plain mean.